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To what extent do you agree and disagree that children brought up in poverty are prepared more in adult life than children born in wealthy families?

To what extent do you agree and disagree that children brought up in poverty are prepared more in adult life than children born in wealthy families? PWmyj
Children are brought up to the world with different families that have various financial situation. Due to it, some individuals even at a young age are already mentally prepared to deal with the challenges in life. However, some are incapable of it due to the fact that they have lived a comfortable lifestyle. Based on my point of view, I highly agree that children born in poor families are more equipped for their adulthood, but at the same time, I believe that there is still a possibility that it is not true. Childhood is the phase wherein toddlers learn and develop their skills that will later be vital in their life. Although, because of poverty, several children experience more difficulties in their life than those who were born in a wealthy family. These difficulties serves as lessons that makes them more equipped in the future. My dad, for instance, grew up living in poverty, therefore, he encountered more hardships and was given more responsibilities than an average child should have. However, he learned to be more independent and overcame all the difficulties, which lead to him not having much difficulty in his adulthood. Despite some kids born in unfavorable conditions being successful, it cannot be generalized that all of them are more ready than kids brought up in families with a huge amount of money. This is because it is more likely for them to turn to crime and illegal activities. In addition, I believe that a wealthy child’s readiness in life depends on his or her parents. Therefore, making it possible that they are more prepared to deal with the problems that adulthood may bring. An example is Heart Evangelista, which is one of the most renowned people in the Philippines. She was born in a wealthy family although she grew up knowing how to do deal with certain situations. In conclusion, it is possible for any child to be ready for adulthood despite how he or she grew up. Although, I highly agree that children born in families with no money are much more ready to face the heavy responsibilities and burden that being an adult may bring. This is due to the reason that they are already taught how to deal with these situations at an early age.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are brought
up to the world with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
that have various financial situation. Due to it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals even at a young age are already mentally prepared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deal
with the challenges in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are incapable of it due to the fact that they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
a comfortable lifestyle. Based on my point of view, I
highly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
born in poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are more equipped for their adulthood,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time, I believe that there is
still
a possibility that it is not true.

Childhood is the phase wherein toddlers learn and develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that will later be vital in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of poverty, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
experience more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficulties
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
than those who
were born
in a wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficulties
You should probably use "serve".
serves
as lessons that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them more equipped in the future. My dad,
for instance
, grew up living in poverty,
therefore
, he encountered more hardships and was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more responsibilities than an average child should have.
However
, he learned to be more independent and overcame all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficulties
, which lead to him not having much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficulty
in his adulthood.

Despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kids born in unfavorable conditions being successful, it cannot
be generalized
that all of them are more ready than kids brought up in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
with a huge amount of money. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is more likely for them to turn to crime and illegal activities.
In addition
, I believe that a wealthy child’s readiness in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
depends on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
parents.
Therefore
, making it possible that they are more prepared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deal
with the problems that adulthood may bring. An example is Heart
Possible spelling mistake found.
Evangelista
, which is one of the most renowned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the Philippines. She
was born
in a wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
although she grew up knowing how to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deal
with certain situations.

In conclusion
, it is possible for any child to be ready for adulthood despite how he or she grew up. Although, I
highly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
born in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
with no money are much more ready to face the heavy responsibilities and burden that being an adult may bring. This is due to the reason that they are already taught how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deal
with these situations at an early age.
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IELTS essay To what extent do you agree and disagree that children brought up in poverty are prepared more in adult life than children born in wealthy families?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
381 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
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