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To understand the most important characteristics of a society one must study its major cities v.1

To understand the most important characteristics of a society one must study its major cities v. 1
Today, television programmes for sporting events is increasingly popular, so many people consider that young men and women are unhealthy due to such programmes as they enjoy viewing sports activities instead of taking active part in them. In my opinion, I strongly disagree because I believe unhealthy food options and poor public health education are the prevalent causes of this phenomenon. First of all, one main factor causing the decline in health conditions of young people is bad choices of diet. This is true because nowadays, there are quite a number of sweets and processed foods available in every market, which cost less than healthy food, so many children prefer to buy and eat such food products. For example, a majority of young ones in United states of America are facing high risk in health, especially, their body glucose levels due to the increasing number of poor diet and their intense craving for them. If such unhealthy diets are not seriously checked, a significant number of these people's health would continue to be adversely affected even if sports programmes on tv are duly controlled. Another point to consider is inadequate health education to the general public, which is a motive for the worrying health issues of young individuals. The reason for this is that the role of the government to relentlessly focus and making the public aware of healthy lifestyle practices such as exercise, and eating more fruits and vegetables through the various social media or in a number of schools tends to be profoundly reduced. This, therefore, often renders many young men and women completely unaware of how to live healthy. For instance, in October 2019, the Graphic newspaper reported that more than half of children in Ghana are not adequately informed about how they can maintain and also improve their health status. In conclusion, due to poor food choices and availability of little health educational information, I entirely disagree that sports programmes on the television is solely to be blamed for the unhealthy habits of the young ones.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, television
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
for sporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
is
increasingly
popular,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
due to such
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
as they enjoy viewing sports activities
instead
of taking active part in them. In my opinion, I
strongly
disagree
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
options and poor public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
education are the prevalent causes of this phenomenon.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, one main factor causing the decline in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
conditions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
choices of diet. This is true
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
nowadays, there are quite a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of sweets and processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
available in every market, which cost less than healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
and eat such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
products.
For example
, a majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
in
If the term is a proper noun, use the suggested capitalization.
United states of America
are facing high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
especially
, their body glucose levels due to the increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of poor diet and their intense craving for them. If such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
diets are not
seriously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checked
, a significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
would continue to be
adversely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
even if sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
are
duly
controlled.

Another point to consider is inadequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
education to the
Consider using "public".
general public
, which is a motive for the worrying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
individuals.
The reason for this is
that the role of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to
relentlessly
focus and making the public aware of healthy lifestyle practices such as exercise, and eating more fruits and vegetables through the various social media or in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of schools tends to be
profoundly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
. This,
therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
renders
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women completely unaware of how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
healthy.
For instance
, in October 2019, the Graphic newspaper reported that more than half of children in Ghana are not
adequately
informed about how they can maintain and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
status.

In conclusion
, due to poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
choices and availability of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
educational information, I
entirely
disagree that sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
on the television is
solely
to
be blamed
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
habits of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay To understand the most important characteristics of a society one must study its major cities v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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