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To start with, one of the main causes of children’s stress is over-studying, which is resulted from a requirement to obtain a well-paid job, a degree from a decent university.

To start with, one of the main causes of children’s stress is over-studying, which is resulted from a requirement to obtain a well-paid job, a degree from a decent university. nyn7
To start with, one of the main causes of children’s stress is over-studying, which is resulted from a requirement to obtain a well-paid job, a degree from a decent university. Youngsters, therefore, forced to be snowed under assignment and papers. For example, Japan is the nation where more than two-thirds of middle school students are attending cram school. The stress to complete both tasks from two educational institutions keep children under pressure. This problem is for parents to understand their own children’s limitation and put them in extra studying environment only when it is necessary. Parents should start to care about their kids’ mental conditions, otherwise, these immature people will be collapsed. Moreover, our recent over-connecting society also affects the heavy pressure on children. A decade ago, children were interacting with each other only in their schools, meaning they could rewind themselves at their relaxing home. However, students nowadays gained connection through their social media all the time even after stressful schools. What is more, they are under commercial pressure because of the SNS, stimulating children to purchase exciting online games or fancy clothes they cannot afford. To tackle this issue, schools should encourage children to fast the Internet. Generally speaking, Internet fasting can boost one’s self-esteem and offer some moments to concentrate on their lives. If the educational institutes are not going to motivate their students to do so, they will continue struggling due to the peer pressure from continuous usage of social media. All things considered, children recently are under pressure in academic, social, and commercial terms more than they used to be. Although force to be diligent and repetitive socialization through their phone can be the main cause, it is possible for parents and schools to help those poor youngsters under pressure. This problem is affecting not only children themselves but also the future of our whole society, it, therefore, is of great importance to solve the problem.
To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, one of the main causes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
is over-studying, which
is resulted
from a requirement to obtain a well-paid job, a degree from a decent university. Youngsters,
therefore
, forced to
be snowed
under assignment and papers.
For example
, Japan is the nation where more than two-thirds of middle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
students are attending cram
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
to complete both tasks from two educational institutions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
. This problem is for parents to understand their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
limitation and put them in extra studying environment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when it is necessary. Parents should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to care about their kids’ mental conditions,
otherwise
, these immature
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
be collapsed
.

Moreover
, our recent over-connecting society
also
affects the heavy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. A decade ago,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
were interacting with each other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, meaning they could rewind themselves at their relaxing home.
However
, students nowadays gained connection through their social media all the time even after stressful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
What is more
, they are under commercial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the SNS, stimulating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
exciting online games or fancy clothes they cannot afford. To tackle this issue,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
the Internet.
Generally
speaking, Internet fasting can boost one’s self-esteem and offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
moments to concentrate on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. If the educational institutes are not going to motivate their students to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they will continue struggling due to the peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
from continuous usage of social media.

All things considered,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
recently are under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
in academic, social, and commercial terms more than they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be. Although force to be diligent and repetitive socialization through their phone can be the main cause, it is possible for parents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
those poor youngsters under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
. This problem is affecting not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the future of our whole society, it,
therefore
, is of great importance to solve the problem.
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IELTS essay To start with, one of the main causes of children’s stress is over-studying, which is resulted from a requirement to obtain a well-paid job, a degree from a decent university.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
321 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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