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‘To conclude, history itself proves that violence has always been a part of our civilization, even before the advent of games and movies. Furthermore, the alarming rise of crime and violence is mostly the result of the frustration created by the modern lifestyle and games and movies are a very insignificant part of it.’

‘To conclude, history itself proves that violence has always been a part of our civilization, even before the advent of games and movies. Furthermore, the alarming rise of crime and violence is mostly the result of the frustration created by the modern lifestyle and games and movies are a very insignificant part of it. ’ bx796
Nowadays, with the rise in violence and crime all around us, some people believe that the violence shown in movies and video games has an influence, while others believe that it doesn’t. I believe that media violence does not have that much of an effect on the rising crime in society. Firstly, although I agree that the rate of crime and violence around us has increased lately, I don’t think we can blame the media violence for that. I am sure any responsible citizen who watches a movie or plays a video game with violence in it, is aware that it is there only for the sake of entertainment. That being said, in any case, if any individual does cause harm to his society, it would have to be due to his character or his circumstance. So in my opinion, a reasonable and conscious person would not cause harm to others, regardless of what he sees in any form of media. Moreover, movies and video games actually provide escapism into a virtual world where people can relax and release their anxiety. After a long day at work, when someone comes back home and watches a movie or plays a video game, they automatically forget about all their worries and tensions and recover from the frustration they may have. Personally, I enjoy playing video games as soon as I get back home from work. Finally, despite some people believing otherwise, I don’t believe that the violence shown in the media plays a role in a person’s character or in the increase of the violence and crime in our society. In fact, the content in the movies and videos can actually help in reducing the frustration and stress factor.
Nowadays, with the rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
all around us,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
shown in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
has an influence, while others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that it doesn’t. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
does not have that much of an effect on the rising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in society.

Firstly
, although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
around us has increased lately, I don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
we can blame the media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
for that. I am sure any responsible citizen who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watches
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
or plays a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
game with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in it, is aware that it is there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the sake of entertainment. That
being said
, in any case, if any individual does cause harm to his society, it would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be due to his character or his circumstance.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in my opinion, a reasonable and conscious person would not cause harm to others, regardless of what he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sees
in any form of media.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
actually provide escapism into a virtual world where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can relax and release their anxiety. After a long day at work, when someone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
back home and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watches
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
or plays a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
game, they
automatically
forget about all their worries and tensions and recover from the frustration they may have.
Personally
, I enjoy playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
back home from work.

Finally
, despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believing
otherwise
, I don’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
shown in the media plays a role in a person’s character or in the increase of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in our society. In fact, the content in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
videos
can actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in reducing the frustration and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
factor.
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IELTS essay ‘To conclude, history itself proves that violence has always been a part of our civilization, even before the advent of games and movies. Furthermore, the alarming rise of crime and violence is mostly the result of the frustration created by the modern lifestyle and games and movies are a very insignificant part of it. ’

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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