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History of human's political

History of human's political lLrwQ
-In the part of politicals. In my perspective, we must understand the uppermost concepts of human fundamentals. That is humans are the one species of social animal. We can observe considerable species of social animals must have a leader for controlling their survival ways. For insects, they have the queen for nest building and reproduction. For mammals, they have a leader in a herd for looking for food and evacuation. For humans in ancient times, we chose the leader for hunting the animals and protecting the vulnerable population like the child and women. In this time, humans can improve themselves by using the many knowledge. That's why human is the most successful social animal in the world. Humans defined many duties and social contexts for a social organization like the other animals. Thus, what happened next was politics. We can separate the political idea like your video. So all of the thoughts and imaginations were connected by human needs and social conditions at that time. We can observe from the time of the Middle Age to the Early Modern Ages. Politics can change all the time. For example, Feudalism was used by Almost kingdoms and empires until the end of the Crusade. When the majority of the population in society begins to disagree and neutralize with that system and idea. It is going to be time to change the regime. In this case, they use Monarchy and absolute monarchy to rule over their kingdoms and empires. At this time, almost all human's imaginations and ideas are about Humanism that including equality, impartiality, and the right to be a human being. We can observe almost all humans from developed countries like U. S. A and E. U. focus and pay attention to human rights and human beings. By the way, We live in a world that uses capitalism. It is the core of driving the global economy. We all know that democracy and capitalism have been synonymous with each other since ancient times. Democracy can support human rights and fundamental human needs. We can conclude it give us freedom as a human being, not financial freedom. That is the reason why humans still have the original problems of corruption and inequality that occur in every era. It still believes in capitalism for driving the social but we must have a group of people for reducing social inequality. I called them the central government. They must be authorities who can remedy many problems and coexist with everyone in different situations and contexts.
-In the part of
Possible spelling mistake found.
politicals
.

In my perspective, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
understand the uppermost concepts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
fundamentals.
That is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
are the one species of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
. We can observe considerable species of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have a leader for controlling their survival ways. For insects, they have the queen for nest building and reproduction. For mammals, they have a leader in a herd for looking for food and evacuation.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
in ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
, we chose the leader for hunting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and protecting the vulnerable population like the child and women. In this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
themselves by using the
Possible agreement error. The noun knowledge seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much knowledge", "a good deal of knowledge".
many knowledge
. That's why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
is the most successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
in the world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Humans
defined
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
duties and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
contexts for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
organization like the other animals.

Thus
, what happened
next
was politics. We can separate the political
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
like your video.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
Consider using "all the".
all of the
thoughts and imaginations
were connected
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
needs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
conditions at that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. We can observe from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of the Middle Age to the Early Modern Ages. Politics can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For example
, Feudalism was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by Almost kingdoms and empires until the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the Crusade. When the majority of the population in society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
to disagree and neutralize with that system and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. It is going to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the regime.
In this case
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
Monarchy and absolute monarchy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
over their kingdoms and empires. At this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, almost all
Possible typo. Did you mean: "human imaginations"?
human's imaginations
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
are about Humanism that including equality, impartiality, and the right to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
being. We can observe almost all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
like U. S. A and E. U. focus and pay attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
rights and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings.

By the way, We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a world that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
capitalism. It is the core of driving the global economy. We all know that democracy and capitalism have been synonymous with each other since ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
. Democracy can support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
rights and fundamental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
needs. We can conclude it give us freedom as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
being, not financial freedom.
That is
the reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
still
have the original problems of corruption and inequality that occur in every era. It
still
believes in capitalism for driving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have a group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
inequality. I called them the central
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be authorities who can remedy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems and coexist with everyone in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situations and contexts.
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IELTS essay History of human's political

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
420 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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