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to attain their goal drwabacks and advatages

to attain their goal drwabacks and advatages MyjDQ
At present times, one has to hustle hard in order to achieve their goal. In some cultures, children are generally motivated by and told that they can conquer anything if they work hard for their goals. This essay will discuss the merits and demerits of this advice given to children. This advice can help the young ones to stay lenient towards their goal. Nowadays, the adolescents do not possess a strong will power and thus the elder people motivate them to work hard. Because we can acquire anything through our hustle, the elders suggest us to work hard. Additionally, due to the advent of technology, we have a plethora of content to inspire us to keep moving towards our target. For example, various mobile applications provide varied motivational speech by well-known speakers and these apps also consist of inspirational stories of successful individuals. As a result, our parents suggest us to listen to these audio clips. Many individuals have been able to succeed by obeying these type of advice to name a few, Jake Paul is one of the fighters on the planet and has told that we was able to do so by listening to his parents. Therefore, suggestions by the elderly people can certainly help us to achieve our goal. On the contrary, the drawback associated with these kind of suggestions can be harmful for some children. As grinding hard is a tiring job, many of the individuals may be exhausted and if they are not able to reach their aim, they can suffer through various mental illness like depression. For instance, a research showed that the ones who are not able to reach their target have a greater probability to suffer anxiety and depression. Overall, if the results are not fruitful, most of the people might suffer mental illness and may not obey the advice of the elderly. In conclusion, they advice given to the children assist them to attain their goal. Nevertheless, it also certain disadvantages associated with it.
At present times, one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
hustle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
in order to achieve their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goal
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cultures, children are
generally
motivated by and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
that they can conquer anything if they work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goals
. This essay will discuss the merits and demerits of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to children.

This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
to stay lenient towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goal
. Nowadays, the adolescents do not possess a strong will power and
thus
the elder
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
motivate them to work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
we can acquire anything through our hustle, the elders suggest us to work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
.
Additionally
, due to the advent of technology, we have a plethora of content to inspire us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
moving towards our target.
For example
, various mobile applications provide varied motivational speech by well-known speakers and these apps
also
consist of inspirational stories of successful individuals.
As a result
, our parents suggest us to listen to these audio clips.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
individuals have been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to succeed by obeying these type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
to name a few, Jake Paul is one of the fighters on the planet and has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
that we
Use first person plural verb with 'we': "are", "were".
was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
by listening to his parents.
Therefore
, suggestions by the elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to achieve our goal.

On the contrary
, the drawback associated with
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of suggestions can be harmful for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
children. As grinding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
is a tiring job,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the individuals may
be exhausted
and if they are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to reach their aim, they can suffer through various mental illness like depression.
For instance
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
who are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to reach their target have a greater probability to suffer anxiety and depression.
Overall
, if the results are not fruitful, most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
might suffer mental illness and may not obey the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
of the elderly.

In conclusion
, they
Did you mean "advise" (verb) instead of advice (noun)?
advice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the children assist them to attain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goal
.
Nevertheless
,
It seems that a verb is missing after "it". Please verify.
it
also
certain disadvantages associated with it.
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IELTS essay to attain their goal drwabacks and advatages

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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