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people are eating too much meat in Kashkadarya. what are the advantages and disadvantages?

people are eating too much meat in Kashkadarya. what are the advantages and disadvantages? PEjJJ
Meat that is purchased small markets, supermarkets and butchers as well. Everywhere people are eating meat but Kashkadarya shows us huge degree. it is benefit for them but its result is not very well. i think they cannot stop eating meat because of their ancestors. when Kashkadaryans people eating much food maybe they have outweigh or different diseases. they usually eat cows, sheep and other animals. But cows have a lot of benefit things. For example, they give them daily products and its useful for childrens and adults. In concluded, they should eat meat the same with other countries. Then they have a normal life. Because it is not good work eating a lots of meat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Meat
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
markets, supermarkets and butchers
as well
. Everywhere
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kashkadarya
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
us huge degree.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is benefit for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
its result is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well.
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their ancestors.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
when
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kashkadaryans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
much food maybe they have
Use past participle here: "outweighed".
outweigh
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
diseases.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
usually
eat cows, sheep and other animals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
cows have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefit things.
For example
, they give them daily products and its useful for
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
and adults. In concluded, they should eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
the same with other countries. Then they have a normal life.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a lot" or simply "lots"?
a lots
of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
meat
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IELTS essay people are eating too much meat in Kashkadarya. what are the advantages and disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
115 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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