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Time spend on different activities by adults

Time spend on different activities by adults NMrwj
To begin, mature people spent more time on work and sleep which was 33% and 32%. J respectivly in 1958. After 5 decads. adulters more focus on their jobs and gave m 9% extra time on this task while they started least Sleeping that reduced to 25% exactly. In addition to it, teens people put time in relaxation at heme also that go upward Just five percent from 1958 to 2008. It is interesting to note that individuals were hang out with family members and friends. around twenty percent. in 1958 However, people less devote to socialize after half century. They Junior citizens filled only six percentage time period on which they play some games. but in 2008, there was small change in the duration of sports. Another activity is travel to work that grew from two percent to Eight percent between 1958 and 2008. To sum up all above, it can be observed that people were more possesive toward work. They gave very few time to sleeping. relaxing and socialising over. Whole period.
To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, mature
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
spent more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on work and sleep which was 33% and 32%. J
Possible spelling mistake found.
respectivly
in 1958. After 5
Possible spelling mistake found.
decads
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
adulters
more focus on their jobs and gave m 9% extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on this task while they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
Sleeping that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to 25%

exactly.
In addition
to it, teens

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in relaxation at

heme
also
that go upward
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just


five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
from 1958 to 2008.

It is interesting to note that individuals were
Consider using a past participle here: "hanged", "hung".
hang
out with family members and friends.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
around
twenty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
1958
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
less devote to socialize after half century. They Junior citizens filled
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
six percentage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
period on which they play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
games.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
but
in 2008, there was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the duration of sports. Another activity is travel to work that grew from two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
to Eight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
between 1958 and 2008. To sum up all above, it can
be observed
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were

more
Possible spelling mistake found.
possesive
toward work. They gave
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to sleeping.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
relaxing
and
Do not mix variants of the same word ('socialise' and 'socialize') within a single text.
socialising
over.

Whole period.
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IELTS essay Time spend on different activities by adults

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
174 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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