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Some people spend their entire life at one place , others move numbers of time through their life for a better job , houses and community . Which do you prefer ?

Some people spend their entire life at one place, others move numbers of time through their life for a better job, houses and community. Which do you prefer? KGw36
Nowadays, plethora of people are migrating one place to another place due to getting something new related to their prima facie requirement. There is an argument that several folks are living their entire life at one place but, other think that plethora of people change the place for getting better job, house and community. I totally agree with this statement and reasons for my inclination are articulated in ensuing paragraphs. To embark with, it is great to shifting one place to another place to living better life. If people move to other place so that, they can mingle with diversity of the culture and people thus they can enhance their knowledge. To add on, individual can enjoy the diversity of geography such as flora and fauna, climate and other, better weather condition give fresh air, can increase people’s life span and keep them health and energetic and active. Moreover, people can meet variety of people therefore, they can evident about their work field or getting knowledge about their further goal as well as folks can being extrovert person by doing conversations with other people and clime their self-confidence and make more accountable person. Further more, masses can get more opportunities to moving another places, several cities have multinational companies where people can get higher job with lucrative salaries consequently, fulfil their own dreams and earring handsome amount of money. I concluded that, transfer to one place to other places which gives more benefits to the masses and make their career luminous as well as extend their opportunities to words living a better life with full of state-of-the-art technologies.
Nowadays, plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are migrating one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
due to getting something new related to their prima facie requirement. There is an argument that several folks are living their entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
at one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
for getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
job,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and community. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and reasons for my inclination
are articulated
in ensuing paragraphs.

To embark with, it is great to
Did you mean "shift"?
shifting
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
to living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that, they can mingle with diversity of the culture and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
thus
they can enhance their knowledge. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
on, individual can enjoy the diversity of geography such as flora and fauna, climate and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
weather condition give fresh air, can increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
span and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them health and energetic and active.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
therefore
, they
The word 'evident' is a noun or an adjective. A verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here, or maybe a comma is missing.
can evident
about their work field or getting knowledge about their
further
goal
as well
as folks can being extrovert person by doing conversations with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and clime their self-confidence and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more accountable person.
Further
more, masses can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more opportunities to moving another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
, several cities have multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher job with lucrative salaries
consequently
, fulfil their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
dreams and earring handsome amount of money.

I concluded that, transfer to one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
which gives more benefits to the masses and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their career luminous
as well
as extend their opportunities to words living a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with full of state-of-the-art technologies.
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IELTS essay Some people spend their entire life at one place, others move numbers of time through their life for a better job, houses and community. Which do you prefer?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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