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Advertisements, are they good or not?

Advertisements, are they good or not? keYE8
In this article, I am going to be discussing about two different points of view for advertisement. In one point of view, advertisements are generally regarded as something that might lead us to waste our money on unnecessary things. On the other end of spectrum, a group of people really use them to increase the quality of their life and even saving more money by spending it more effectively. I partially agree with both ideas and put myself in the middle of that spectrum. If advertisements be put away completely, so we will never become familiar with new products and even technologies that can greatly affect the way of living. For example, we used to do vacuum cleaning in our house using a traditional manual machine which makes the user really tired and needs to spend a lot of time. But after becoming familiar with new robotic technology for vacuum cleaning through some advertisement, we purchased one of those robots and consequently our life really became more comfortable. On other hands, I really think we should be very careful about whatever we see and hear as advertisement, specifically with recent extensions of the social media. In my opinion, whenever we face with an advertisement, we should ask ourselves whether or not the proposed product is really needed or we'll likely waste some money on that. I have some similar experiences, in one of which, I became really convinced to buy a barbecue after watching a TV advertisement but I didn't notice at the time that we don't even have any garden or yard to use it. In conclusion, I believe that we'd better follow advertisements in order to keep ourselves up to date, but at the same time we should always make our decisions according to our real requirements.
In this article, I am going to be
Did you mean simply "discussing two"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discussing about two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
points of view for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
. In one point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are
generally
regarded as something that might lead us to waste our money on unnecessary things. On the other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of spectrum, a group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them to increase the quality of their life and even saving more money by spending it more
effectively
.

I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and put myself in the middle of that spectrum. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
be put
away completely,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we will never become familiar with new products and even technologies that can
greatly
affect the way of living.

For example
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to do vacuum cleaning in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
using a traditional manual machine which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the user
The extreme adjective for tired is "exhausted".
really tired
and needs to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
after becoming familiar with new robotic technology for vacuum cleaning through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
one of those robots and
consequently
our life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
became more comfortable.

On other hands, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
we should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
careful about whatever we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
and hear as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
,
specifically
with recent extensions of the social media. In my opinion, whenever we face with an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
, we should ask ourselves
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
the proposed product is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
needed or
we'll likely waste
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money on that. I have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
similar experiences, in one of which, I became
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
convinced to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a barbecue after watching a TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I didn't notice at the time that we don't even have any garden or yard to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it.

In conclusion
, I believe that we'd better follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
ourselves up to date,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time we should always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our decisions according to our real requirements.

IELTS essay Advertisements, are they good or not?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
299 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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