Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Throughout history people have dreamed of living in a perfect society but they have not agreed on what an ideal society would be like What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world How can people work towards achi v.1

Throughout history people have dreamed of living in a perfect society but they have not agreed on what an ideal society would be like What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world How can people work towards achi v. 1
It is often argued that TV can be educational, while others would argue that it is strictly for enjoyment. Although television programmes can teach us about the world, most people only watch shows that are of no educational value whatsoever and for this reason, I agree with the latter view. Documentaries can provide knowledge and give people a greater understanding of various topics, such as nature, history and science. This allows viewers to experience academic disciplines through a medium that is outside the classroom and, some might say, is more enthralling than a lecture or lesson from a teacher. For example, many tune in to the BBC’s wildlife documentaries and learn all sorts of new facts about animals that they might not have been interested in when at school. However, documentaries only represent a tiny fraction of what people actually watch on TV and I would argue that they are not representative of most television genres. The most popular types of TV show are soap operas, sit-coms and comedies that leave most people a little less intelligent after watching them. Due to the fact that they are aimed at a very wide audience, these shows appeal to the lowest common denominator intellectually. Furthermore, they prevent people from carrying out more cerebrally challenging tasks, such as thinking. For instance, the most popular programmes in the UK are Coronation Street and EastEnders and nearly 20 million daily viewers do not watch them to learn anything, they do so in order to be entertained. I therefore agree that, for the vast majority of people, the main function of TV is for entertainment only. In conclusion, despite a few wildlife and science programmes providing a good source of knowledge, the overwhelming majority of people watch TV for pleasure and that is its main use.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that TV can be educational, while others would argue that it is
strictly
for enjoyment. Although television
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
can teach us about the world, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that are of no educational value whatsoever and
for this reason
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter view.

Documentaries can provide knowledge and give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a greater understanding of various topics, such as nature, history and science. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
viewers to experience academic disciplines through a medium
that is
outside the classroom and,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
might say, is more enthralling than a lecture or lesson from a teacher.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tune in to the BBC’s wildlife documentaries and learn all sorts of new facts about animals that they might not have
been interested
in when at school.
However
, documentaries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
represent a tiny fraction of what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
actually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
on TV and I would argue that they are not representative of most television genres.

The most popular types of TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
are soap operas,
Possible spelling mistake found.
sit-coms
and comedies that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
less intelligent after watching them. Due to the fact that they
are aimed
at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
wide audience, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
appeal to the lowest common denominator
intellectually
.
Furthermore
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from carrying out more
Possible spelling mistake found.
cerebrally
challenging tasks, such as thinking.
For instance
, the most popular
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
in the UK are Coronation Street and
Possible spelling mistake found.
EastEnders
and
nearly
20 million daily viewers do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
them to learn anything, they do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in order to
be entertained
. I
therefore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that, for the vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, the main function of TV is for entertainment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.

In conclusion
, despite a
Possible agreement error. The noun wildlife seems to be uncountable; consider using: "little wildlife".
few wildlife
and science
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
providing a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
source of knowledge, the overwhelming majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
TV for pleasure and
that is
its main
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Throughout history people have dreamed of living in a perfect society but they have not agreed on what an ideal society would be like What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world How can people work towards achi v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts