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This essay will discuss about causes of this issue and suggest possible measures to solve this problem.

This essay will discuss about causes of this issue and suggest possible measures to solve this problem. ox9rw
At the present time, there are a great number of obesity people in every countries. The mean weight of people in some countries increasing. Also, the levels of health and fitness in there are decreasing. This essay will discuss about causes of this issue and suggest possible measures to solve this problem. There appear to be a number of cause of this issue. Body weight is depend on food which is eating. For example, fast food like hamburger or Chicken fried contain a lot of oil and fat, it make body weight rapidly rise up. Moreover, sweet drink and sweet snack are important for increasing in body weight. On top of that life style of people in nowadays changed from the past. Many people decrease in the body movement because they work on computer all day and in relax time they like to watch TV or play game in smart phone. All of these activity are less of body movement and spend a little of calories. However, there are a many possible measures to solve this problem. Government should promote and build up awareness of people for choosing food. They should choose eat fruit and vegetable more than carbohydrate and protein. Moreover, government support the campaign of people for working out and increasing in body movement in daily life. In conclusion, this essay discussed about some causes of this issue and suggest a few of possible measures to solve this problem. Food and life style are play important role for weight increasing and government should promote campaign for healthy food and do more exercise.
At the present time, there are a great number of obesity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "country"?
countries
. The mean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
.
Also
, the levels of health and fitness in there are decreasing. This essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss causes"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about causes
of this issue and suggest possible measures to solve this problem.

There appear to be a number
Did you mean "of course" (=naturally)?
of cause
of this issue.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Body
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
is
Consider using a past participle here: "depended".
depend
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which is eating.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
like hamburger or Chicken fried contain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
oil and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, it
Did you mean "makes"?
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
rapidly
rise up.
Moreover
, sweet drink and sweet snack are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
.
On top of that
life style of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays is used without 'in'. Use simply: "nowadays".
in nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
from the past.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decrease in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
movement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they work on computer all day and in relax time they like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV or play game in smart phone. All of
Did you mean "this activity" or "these activities"?
these activity
are less of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
movement and spend a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
of calories.

However
, there are a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
possible measures to solve this problem.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should promote and build up awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for choosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. They should choose
This verb is used with the infinitive: "to eat"
eat
fruit and vegetable more than carbohydrate and protein.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
support the campaign of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for working out and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
movement in daily life.

In conclusion
, this essay discussed about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
causes of this issue and suggest a few of possible measures to solve this problem.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Food
and life style are play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should promote campaign for healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and do more exercise.
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IELTS essay This essay will discuss about causes of this issue and suggest possible measures to solve this problem.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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