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Some believe that students should attend extra education after school.Do you agree or this disagree?

Some believe that students should attend extra education after school. Do you agree or this disagree? My9dk
In the contemporary society, education has been getting concerns. It is a debatable topic that extra classes ought to be participated by learners after school. From my point of views, I am partly not favor of this statement. To begin with, I agree that the idea of joining extra class does have various benefits. First of all, taking more classes helps students enrich their knowledge and they will have more time for review the lesson. For instance, it is true that many students have extra practice to get a high score at school. Moreover, being in extra education, which means not only learning more, but also expanding their relationship. Because of there are a lot of students from different kind of schools. Therefore, it will bring profitable for their future. On the other hand, spending time on study extra class is not really neccessary for all students. Firstly, those are attending extra course will lose a chance to learn valuable skills such as cooking, presentation, teamwork. This is because that skills are given the found of base in the future. As a result, apart from a good qualification degree, companies will hire candidates with many soft skills. Secondly, forcing students to take extra lesson will put pressure on them. Take Vietnamese students as an example, the school curriculum is already quite heavy so they need more time for reducing stress and relax. Taking everything to consideration, I think it should depend on student’s choice and they must establish a careful plan for their timetable.
In the contemporary society, education has been getting concerns. It is a debatable topic that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
ought to
be participated
by learners after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. From my point of views, I am partly not favor of this statement.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of joining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
does have various benefits.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, taking more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
enrich their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
knowledge and
they will have more time for review the lesson.
For instance
, it is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
practice to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a high score at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Moreover
, being in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
education, which means not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
learning more,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
expanding their relationship.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
of there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
Therefore
, it will bring profitable for their future.

On the other hand
, spending time on study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
is not
really
Possible spelling mistake found.
neccessary
for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Firstly
, those are attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
course will lose a chance to learn valuable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as cooking, presentation, teamwork. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the found of base in the future.
As a result
, apart from a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
qualification degree,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
will hire candidates with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Secondly
, forcing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
lesson will put pressure on them. Take Vietnamese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
as an example, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum is already quite heavy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they need more time for reducing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and relax. Taking everything to consideration, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it should depend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
choice and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
establish a careful plan for their timetable.
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IELTS essay Some believe that students should attend extra education after school. Do you agree or this disagree?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
254 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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