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Think about jobs you would like to have someday

Think about jobs you would like to have someday 8G8qG
Since I was a child, I have always wanted to explore new things around me. I’m interested in exploring and discovering new things, new places. At that time, my biggest dream was to become an explorer, an explorer all over the world, and find out things that people had not known. But now, I am mature and I know that I have to have a permanent job besides that I have to take care of my family too. So now, I want to be an inventor. I still can find out new things but I can go out very often, maybe I just have to sit in my room and work. So, I need to be patient, concentrate, and a lot of creation. But I know that if I can create some useful, I will have money. That’s when I can fulfill my dream of traveling all over the world.
Since I was a child, I have always wanted to explore
new
things around me. I’m interested in exploring and discovering
new
things,
new
places. At that time, my biggest dream was to become an explorer, an explorer all over the world, and find out things that
people
had not known.
But
now
, I am mature and I know that I
have to
have a permanent job
besides
that I
have to
take care of my family too.
So
now
, I want to be an inventor. I
still
can find out
new
things
but
I can go out
very
often
, maybe I
just
have to
sit in my room and work.
So
, I need to be patient, concentrate, and
a lot of
creation.
But
I know that if I can create
some
useful, I will have money. That’s when I can fulfill my dream of traveling all over the world.
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IELTS essay Think about jobs you would like to have someday

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
150 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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