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proportion of men and women in Australia who varied from several age group and did regular physical exercise in 2010.

proportion of men and women in Australia who varied from several age group and did regular physical exercise in 2010. 2xWXk
We can know that the proportion of females who took part in physical training regularly was larger than the same proportion of males in Australia in 2010. When comes to the whole age groups, only in the 15-to -24 age group, the percentage of Australian men doing frequent physical activity was larger than the percentage of Australian women taking regular exercise. The maximum difference was shown in 35-to-44 age group, while the minimum difference appeared in 65-and-over age group. The tendency of the changing of proportion in males and females was opposite. In the 15-to-24 age group the percentage of males taking regular training was in the highest point (42. 8 percent) in all male groups and after the peak the proportion went sharply down until 39. 5 percent, before gradually increased to 46. 7 percent. The peak of the proportion of frequently exercising females is 53. 3 percent in 45-to-54 years old woman. In summary, there were more Australian women took part in regular physical training than Australian men who had frequent exercise. And the percentage of females in Australia doing regular physical activity went up then down over the whole age groups, while the trend of men in Australia is opposite.
We can know that the
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proportion
of
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females
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in
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physical
training
regularly
was larger than the same
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proportion
of
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males
in Australia in 2010. When
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comes
to the whole
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age
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groups
,
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only
in the 15-to -24
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age
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group
, the
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percentage
of Australian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
doing frequent
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physical
activity was larger than the
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percentage
of Australian women taking
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regular
exercise. The maximum difference
was shown
in 35-to-44
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age
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group
, while the minimum difference appeared in 65-and-over
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age
group.

The tendency of the changing of
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proportion
in
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males
and
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females
was opposite. In the 15-to-24
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age
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group
the
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percentage
of
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males
taking
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regular
training was in the highest point (42. 8
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percent)
in all male
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groups
and after the peak the
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proportion
went
sharply
down until 39. 5
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percent
,
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before
gradually
increased to 46. 7
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percent
. The peak of the
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proportion
of
frequently
exercising
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females
is 53. 3
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percent
in 45-to-54 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
woman.

In summary, there were more Australian women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in
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regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
training than Australian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
who had frequent exercise. And the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
in Australia doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity went up then down over the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
, while the trend of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
in Australia is opposite.
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IELTS essay proportion of men and women in Australia who varied from several age group and did regular physical exercise in 2010.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
203 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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