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It is sometimes thought that people who travel outside of their own country are more tolerant and understanding of others. To what extent do you agree? v.4

It is sometimes thought that people who travel outside of their own country are more tolerant and understanding of others. v. 4
It is well understood that people who travel a lot will have most adaptable and open mind because while during their journey to another country they will be exposed to a plethora of unfamiliar situations which he could have not experienced in his home town. So I would wish to go in hand with the statement. Admittedly, when a person is travelling to another country, independence is replaced with the dependency that is because in a foreign nation it will be must for us to communicate with people from different part of the globe, it encourages us to understand them and about their culture and tradition. While during our journey we will come across various types unfamiliar circumstances and it will help us to learn how to cope-up with the situations. Thus travel encourages us to understand and love others. On the other hand, it is well known that people who don't travel a lot will be narrow minded and it will be impossible for them to tackle with a complex situation in their life, it is mainly due to the non-dependent lifestyle that make them feel more secure. For instance, think about the tribal people they think that there is no world outside their habitat and it is quite different for them to tolerate or love a person outside their group, they consider us as an alien. To recapitulate, people who travel a lot will have more logical thinking and broad minded it will help them to adopt with people from different culture and tradition and to solve any situations easily.
It is well understood that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
a lot will have most adaptable and open mind
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
while during their journey to another country they will
be exposed
to a plethora of unfamiliar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
which he could have not experienced in his home town.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I would wish to go in hand with the statement.

Admittedly
, when a person is travelling to another country, independence
is replaced
with the dependency
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in a foreign nation it will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
for us to communicate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
part of the globe, it encourages us to understand them and about their culture and tradition. While during our journey we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across various types unfamiliar circumstances and it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to learn how to cope-up with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
.
Thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
encourages us to understand and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
others.

On the other hand
, it is well known that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who don't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
a lot will be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
narrow minded
and it will be impossible for them to tackle with a complex
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
in their life, it is
mainly
due to the non-dependent lifestyle that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel more secure.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the tribal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there is no world outside their habitat and it is quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
for them to tolerate or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
a person outside their group, they consider us as an alien.

To recapitulate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
a lot will have more logical thinking and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
broad minded
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to adopt with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
culture and tradition and to solve any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
easily
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay It is sometimes thought that people who travel outside of their own country are more tolerant and understanding of others. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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