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These days, the population of some country includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.Do the advantage of this condition outweigh disadvantage?

These days, the population of some country includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantage of this condition outweigh disadvantage? NWdqy
Today, all countries have lots of eldery persons and young adults the population of several countries which contain a somewhat great number of young adult, contracted with the amount of old generation. I tend to believe that it has more fruitful outcomes than being detrimental points and the reason for my stand will be analyzed further. Discussing the darker side, some experts claim that it is not amazing idea to compare two different kinds of generation with each other, In fact, all them have the same rights and this intention is a kind of injustice. For instance, it is quite clear that young people have more powerful body and they will more able to do plenty of works however, the old people are weaker than them. Therefore, this comparison is not correct and it has some drawbacks. On the contrary, some thinkers believe that for making more progress and also development, both old people and young adult should be compared. Actually, the number of old people would be determined to compensate some lack of improvment. Moreover, as some researcher say, all community need majority of young people to become extended country. For example, If several younger persons were trained and taught by old generation, they would be extremely professional and skillful persons. What is more, If this in comparison, new generation get some experiences which were acquired by old people, they will be successful humans. Although, younger people had been stronger and could perform lots of difficult things, their experiences are not as much as old people. Therefore, they should be contracted with each other to figure out some remarkable hints. To conclude, it can be finally commented that, despite of some drawbacks which were mentioned, I would think that the benefit which this statement have is more than disadvanatge and about some offers in inlogical point, is not right opinion due to enhancing our society and we should compare them to realize more about our level and by contracting, we might be better than past.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, all countries have lots of
Possible spelling mistake found.
eldery
persons and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults the population of several countries which contain a somewhat great number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adult, contracted with the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
generation. I tend to believe that it has more fruitful outcomes than being detrimental points and the reason for my stand will
be analyzed
further
.

Discussing the darker side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experts claim that it is not amazing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to compare two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of generation with each other, In fact, all them have the same rights and this intention is a kind of injustice.
For instance
, it is quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more powerful
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
body and
they will more able to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of works
however
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are weaker than
In formal / written English, it is recommended that you use a subject pronoun.
them
.
Therefore
, this comparison is not correct and it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks.

On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
thinkers believe that for making more progress and
also
development, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adult should
be compared
. Actually, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
be determined
to compensate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
lack of
Possible spelling mistake found.
improvment
.
Moreover
, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "researchers"?
researcher
say, all community need majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to become extended country.
For example
, If several younger persons
were trained
and taught by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
generation, they would be
extremely
professional and skillful persons.
What is more
, If this
in comparison
, new generation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experiences which
were acquired
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they will be successful humans. Although, younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had been stronger and could perform lots of difficult things, their experiences are not as much as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Therefore
, they should
be contracted
with each other to figure out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
remarkable hints.

To conclude
, it can be
finally
commented that,
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks which
were mentioned
, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the benefit which this statement have is more than
Possible spelling mistake found.
disadvanatge
and about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
offers in
Possible spelling mistake found.
inlogical
point, is not right opinion due to enhancing our
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
society and
we should compare them to realize more about our level and by contracting, we might be better than past.
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IELTS essay These days, the population of some country includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantage of this condition outweigh disadvantage?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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