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These days some people think young people they have to choose their own professions

These days some people think young people they have to choose their own professions 53YPe
These days some people think young people they have to choose their own professions, while others believe young people should chosse their own profession and their parents have to choose it for them. This essay will discuss both sides and will draw my personal conclution. In one hand, people who choose their profession by them self, this dessiction allow them to know more about them self and what exatuly they want to be and achieve in the future, also its help them to be more resbonsable about their own live and and give them the pow to work with their right or wrong dessictions, for example on of my best friend she didnt had any idea about her professions till high school but after her mother beging skick and died during two months she decied to be a doctor she studied and work hard and now she became really sucsseful doctor in big hospital in jeddah. so that why some people think that young people should choos their professions. On the other hand, people thinks parent of young people they should choose professions for them, they are belive yong people they dont konw more about live and future jobs and thire parent have more expeiance of live, also parents konw more about the childern intelgent and what is suitable for them, for example on of my sister she is so creative on hand crafts and my konw about this and send her to diffrent summer couress and meny many hand craft classes, and after she graduate form hight school she decided to apply art school. so that why some people think that parents should choos for thier children. In conclusion, after a careful analysis of both point views, I believe that young people they have to choose their professions to be more bashin about what they want.
These days
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some
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people
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think
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young
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people
they
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have to
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choose
their
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own
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professions
, while others believe
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young
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people
should
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chosse
their
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own
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profession
and their
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parents
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have to
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choose
it for them. This essay will discuss both sides and will draw my personal
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conclution
.

In one
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hand
,
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people
who
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choose
their
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profession
by them self, this
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dessiction
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allow
them to know more about them self and what
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exatuly
they want to be and achieve in the future,
also
its
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help
them to be more
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resbonsable
about their
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own
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live
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and and
give them the pow to work with their right or
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wrong
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dessictions
,
for example
on of my best friend she
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didnt
had any
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idea
about her
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professions
till high school
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but
after her mother
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beging
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skick
and
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died
during two months she
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decied
to be a doctor she studied and work
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hard
and
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now
she became
really
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sucsseful
doctor in
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big
hospital in
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jeddah
.
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so
that why
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some
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people
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think
that
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young
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people
should
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choos
their professions.

On the other
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hand
,
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people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
thinks
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parent
of
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young
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people
they should
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choose
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professions
for them, they are
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belive
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yong
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people
they
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dont
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konw
more about
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live
and future jobs and
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thire
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parent
have more
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expeiance
of
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live
,
also
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parents
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konw
more about the
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childern
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intelgent
and what is suitable for them,
for example
on of my sister she is
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so
creative on
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hand
crafts and my
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konw
about this and
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send
her to
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diffrent
summer
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couress
and
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meny
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many
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hand
craft classes, and after she graduate form
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hight
school she decided to apply art school.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
that why
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some
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people
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think
that
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parents
should
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choos
for
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thier
children.

In conclusion
, after a careful analysis of both point views, I believe that
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young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
to be more
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bashin
about what they want.
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IELTS essay These days some people think young people they have to choose their own professions

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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