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Why is this the case? Is it a positive or negative development? An increasing number of adults play computer games nowadays.

Why is this the case? Is it a positive or negative development? An increasing number of adults play computer games nowadays. 1aNjG
Nowadays, the number of adults who play computer games is increasing. In this essay, I will outline the reasons for this, as well as I will explaining why it is a negative trend. The computer games have become more interesting which is one of main causes that increase number of mature people who spend their time on computer games. The games are more attractive these as they have stunning visual and sound effects and use famous celebrities as main characters. For example, using the visual reality for gaming will give the players an opportunity to experience the games with high resolution image and perfect sound quality. Moreover, playing computer games is a kind of addictions. It is so difficult for adults who have played computer games since childhood to overcome of their thirst of playing computer games; therefore, playing games become a part of their life. Wasting of time is considered as the biggest negative impact of this trend. Adults spend their precious time instead of learning new skills, which can be more beneficial, on playing virtual games which just give them excitement. For instance, one of my friends, who spent long hours on computer games, couldn't find a job because his English level was poor making the employers avoid hiring him. Furthermore, the games could make their players more isolated. Rather than hanging out with their friends, players would prefer to play computer games. This may affect on the friendship and they may suffer mentally and psychologically. As a result, they will lose their loved ones due to lack of communication and become lonely and alone. In conclusion, the increase of adults who play computer games refers to the developments of games which have become more interesting and addictive while this could consume the adults players’ time without doing something useful and make them isolated.
Nowadays, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
play computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is increasing. In this essay, I will outline the reasons for this,
as well
as I will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "explain"
explaining
why it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend.

The computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more interesting which is one of main causes that increase number of mature
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are more attractive these as they have stunning visual and sound effects and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
Consider using "celebrities".
famous celebrities
as main characters.
For example
, using the visual reality for gaming will give the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
an opportunity to experience the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
with high resolution image and perfect sound quality.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is a kind of addictions. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have played computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
since childhood to overcome of their thirst of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
;
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a part of their life.

Wasting of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is considered
as the biggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact of this trend.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Adults
spend their precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
instead
of learning new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, which can be more beneficial, on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
give them excitement.
For instance
, one of my friends,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
spent long hours on computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, couldn't find a job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
his English level was poor making the employers avoid hiring him.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
more isolated.
Rather
than hanging out with their friends,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
would prefer to play computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. This may
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
friendship and
they may suffer mentally and
psychologically
.
As a result
, they will lose their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
Did you mean "one's"?
ones
due to lack of communication and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
lonely and alone.

In conclusion
, the increase of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
play computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
refers to the developments of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more interesting and addictive while this could consume the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
without doing something useful and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them isolated.
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IELTS essay Why is this the case? Is it a positive or negative development? An increasing number of adults play computer games nowadays.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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