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Some individuals say children should have to play outdoor games instead of playing computer games at home. Do you agree or disagree?

Some individuals say children should have to play outdoor games instead of playing computer games at home. yP0YM
Outdoor sports plays an eminent role in all round of development of an individual; however, innovative technology dominates by promoting indoors ones. In regards to this, people claims that children ought to indulge in field games rather confined into four walls. This essay agrees with the above ideology and provides reasonable arguments in favour. To embark with, dominating era of digital world have many adverse impacts on today’s generation. Nowadays, specially children, are glued to smartphones and Computers for playing games. This trend is not only a hurdle in personal growth of children, but also welcomes health hazards such as visual impairments, insomnia and depression. For instance, in a survey conducted by Canadian University reflects that children remains at home with screens are at highest stake of unhealthy life in comparison with others. On the other side, by participating in outdoor activities, children can reap plethora of advantages. Firstly, they can enjoy face-to-face interaction with peers and remain active socially. Secondly, they could develop endurance, good posture, active mindset and becomes emotionally balanced by facing victories and defeats. For instance, it is noticed that teenagers Who actively participates in field activities are more balanced while comparing with online gamers, in case of both physical as well as emotional aspect. Hence, group activities should be promoted. To conclude, engaging in outdoor activities can not only improve children’s physical fitness but also stabilise them emotionally. Therefore, I highly recommend today’s generation to spend more time in ground activities instead of hook up with tech-based games.
Outdoor sports plays an eminent role in all round of development of an individual;
however
, innovative technology dominates by promoting indoors ones.
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
In regards to
this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
claims
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
ought to indulge in field games
rather
confined into four walls. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the above ideology and provides reasonable arguments in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
.

To embark with, dominating era of digital world have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adverse impacts on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s generation. Nowadays,
specially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
are glued
to smartphones and Computers for playing games. This trend is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a hurdle in personal growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
welcomes health hazards such as visual impairments, insomnia and depression.
For instance
, in a survey conducted by Canadian University reflects that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
remains at home with screens are at highest stake of unhealthy life
in comparison
with others.

On the other side, by participating in outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can reap plethora of advantages.
Firstly
, they can enjoy face-to-face interaction with peers and remain active
socially
.
Secondly
, they could develop endurance,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
posture, active mindset and becomes
emotionally
balanced by facing victories and defeats.
For instance
, it
is noticed
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
Who
actively
participates in field
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are more balanced while comparing with online gamers, in case of both physical
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
emotional aspect.
Hence
, group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
should
be promoted
.

To conclude
, engaging in outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
physical fitness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
Possible spelling mistake. 'stabilise' is British English.
stabilise
them
emotionally
.
Therefore
, I
highly
recommend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s generation to spend more time in ground
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
instead
of hook up with tech-based games.
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IELTS essay Some individuals say children should have to play outdoor games instead of playing computer games at home.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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