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These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? v.9

These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? v. 9
In modern times the traditional gender roles are changing rapidly, resulting in more fathers staying at home looking after their offspring and mothers becoming the main breadwinners in the family. There are numerous causes for this and I think it’s a step in the right direction. In the past few decades, there have been numerous women’s movements, as a result of which conventional gender roles have gone through a paradigm shift. Although this equality was only acquired after long hard battles fought by women’s right groups against the misogynist practices that existed a few decades ago. Furthermore, in past few decades, we also had a fair share of men’s movements whose main aim was to make men get in touch with their feminine side rather than feel ashamed and disgusted with it. Nonetheless in many parts of the world and in fact in the minds of many people across the globe, such a family system is considered to be an insult to a man’s masculinity but I beg to differ with this school of thought. In my view, it is a blessing to be living in a time in history where both males and females can choose to take on whatever role they decree. And since it has been proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that women can do most jobs just as good, if not better than their male counterparts there’s nothing wrong with mothers taking on roles that are traditionally thought to be men-oriented. All in all, due to successful women’s and men’s movements deep into the last millennia, genders roles are getting swapped and I am of strong opinion that these changes are a blessing.
In modern times the traditional gender
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
are changing
rapidly
, resulting in more fathers staying at home looking after their offspring and mothers becoming the main breadwinners in the family. There are numerous causes for this and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it’s a step in the right direction.

In the past few decades, there have been numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
movements,
as a result
of which conventional gender
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
have gone through a paradigm shift. Although this equality was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
acquired after long
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
battles fought by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
right groups against the misogynist practices that existed a few decades ago.
Furthermore
, in past few decades, we
also
had a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
share of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
’s movements whose main aim was to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in touch with their feminine side
rather
than feel ashamed and disgusted with it.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Nonetheless
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world and in fact in the minds of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
across the globe, such a family system
is considered
to be an insult to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
’s masculinity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I beg to differ with this school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
. In my view, it is a blessing to be living in a time in history where both males and females can choose to take on whatever
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
they decree. And since it has
been proven
beyond a shadow of a doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can do most jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
, if not better than their male counterparts there’s nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
with mothers taking on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
that are
traditionally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
-oriented.

All in all, due to successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
’s movements deep into the last millennia, genders
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
are getting
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
swapped and
I am of strong opinion that these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
are a blessing.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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