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These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? v.8

These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? v. 8
It has been seen for decades that male has always been a dominating figure in the society.   Today's world offers equal opportunities to both men and women. Therefore, it is common to see nowadays that more fathers are staying at home and raising children while mothers have become the bread earners. Whatever may be the reasons, I am completely against this trend and to me, it brings more of negativity than positivity. To start with, one of the causes could be that females today are equally educated and demanding as males. Females have the potential to be independent and walk along with the men in every field. Companies today, seek to hire more females for jobs that are less physically demanding, thereby leaving fewer options for men. Secondly, in some Middle Eastern countries like UAE and Qatar, females are preferred over males, because these countries look for woman empowerment. Finally, in cases where wife holds a higher qualification, she, with mutual understanding and discussion with the husband works so that they can earn more and have a better life. However, according to me, this brings negative development to the society. Children in their growing age need more love and care, which they can get from by mothers. Females have that natural instinct to provide comfort and care. Fathers, how much ever they try, cannot put the values that a mother can incorporate into a child. Hence, this affects the upbringing of children. Furthermore, fathers cannot cope up with both household tasks and look after the kids. On the other hand, females are said to be multitaskers. To summarise, I do not want to say that females should not work at all, but of course, not at the cost of nurturing their children. There are women who do part time jobs and look after the family as well. Nevertheless, in my view, this trend should not be continued as it has more drawbacks and brings negativity.
It has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
for decades that male has always been a dominating figure in the society.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
's world offers equal opportunities to both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women.
Therefore
, it is common to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
nowadays that more fathers are staying at home and raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
while mothers have become the bread earners. Whatever may be the reasons, I am completely against this trend and to me, it brings more of negativity than positivity.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, one of the causes could be that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are
equally
educated and demanding as males.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Females
have the potential to be independent and walk along with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
in every field.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, seek to hire more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
for jobs that are less
physically
demanding, thereby leaving fewer options for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.
Secondly
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Middle Eastern countries
A determiner is probably missing here: "like the UAE".
like UAE
and Qatar,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
are preferred
over males,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these countries look for woman empowerment.
Finally
, in cases where wife holds a higher qualification, she, with mutual understanding and discussion with the husband works
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can earn more and have a better life.

However
, according to me, this brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development to the society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
in their growing age need more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and care, which they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from by mothers.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Females
have that natural instinct to provide comfort and care. Fathers, how much ever they try, cannot put the values that a mother can incorporate into a child.
Hence
, this affects the upbringing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Furthermore
, fathers cannot cope up with both household tasks and look after the kids.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
are said
to be
Possible spelling mistake found.
multitaskers
.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, I do not want to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
should not work at all,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
of course
, not at the cost of nurturing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. There are women who do
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
jobs and look after the family
as well
.
Nevertheless
, in my view, this trend should not
be continued
as it has more drawbacks and brings negativity.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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