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These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? v.7

These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? v. 7
With the socio-economic development, breadwinner fathers and stay-at-home mothers are on a decline. There are many causes behind this trend and in my opinion, this is could be considered as a positive change rather than negative. It is undeniable that the global economy is going down. Many men workers have been sacked, and as a consequence, they stay at home, do household chores and take care of children. At the same time, women are more encouraged to work, by the government policies such as maternity leave, high salaries, and shortened the working hours. Another reason why husband role has been changed in recent years is the acceptance of the society for them to become nannies instead of going to work and support the family. Personally, I think this change in father’s and mother’s traditional role could have many benefits. Firstly, in many cases mothers have a better qualification and job opportunities than their partners, then it seems more sensible them going out to work. Secondly, if fathers stay at home and look after children, it would become an important contribution in their children's upbringing, which could play a vital role in children’s future when they become teenagers and face problems that would be hard for mothers to handle. For example, it is rare to find boys or girls who have a close relationship with their fathers and making troubles or unsuccessful in their lives. In conclusion, there are different reasons why fathers are becoming more responsible for taking care of children while mothers are busy with the financial support of the family. And I believe this could be useful for the whole family.
With the
Possible spelling mistake found.
socio-economic
development, breadwinner
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
and stay-at-home mothers are on a decline. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
causes behind this trend and in my opinion, this
Did you mean "it"?
is
could
be considered
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
.

It is undeniable that the global economy is going down.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
workers have
been sacked
, and as a consequence, they stay at home, do household chores and take care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. At the same time, women are more encouraged to work, by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
policies such as maternity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
, high salaries, and shortened the working hours. Another reason why husband role has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
in recent years is the acceptance of the society for them to become nannies
instead
of going to work and support the family.

Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father’s
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother’s
traditional role could have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits.
Firstly
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases mothers have a better qualification and job opportunities than their partners, then it seems more sensible them going out to work.
Secondly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
stay at home and look after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, it would become an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
contribution in their children's upbringing, which could play a vital role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
future when they become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and face problems that would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for mothers to handle.
For example
, it is rare to find boys or girls who have a close relationship with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
and making troubles or unsuccessful in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
are becoming more responsible for taking care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
while mothers are busy with the financial support of the family. And I believe this could be useful for the whole family.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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