Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? v.11

These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? v. 11
It is clear that the role of mothers to maintain their children has been replaced by fathers in many areas. There are plenty of reasons why this can be and I am pretty sure that it is a good evolution. For me, mother’s choice to leave her baby to her husband can happen due to various reasons. Firstly, the man might have wider knowledge about how to maintain the baby correctly and effectively than his life partner has. Hence, it is likely to be a wise idea if he obtains the full responsibility to take care of their children. Furthermore, the agreement created before entering marriage life also can be a cause. My sister as an example, before she and her future husband decided to get marriage, they made an appointment that the husband will look after their children as my sister earned much more money than he did. Looking at this example, it seems that economy factor indirectly is one of the reasons. The traditionally settled marriage is declining while people are choosing their life partners. This lead to a phenomenon that women are no longer bound to take care of their children and do household works. If they have better potentials, they do the office jobs or run a business and that leaves the father to stay at home. In my opinion, it is a positive evolution if the female works and the male stay at home to maintain their children. This is mainly because it is likely to be a distinct proof showing that the position of both genders is same. In addition, it can destroy a traditional assumption revealing that the husband who should earn money for the family and the wife should be a full-time housewife. This issue also reveals that the each couple seemly has different rules in order to create their finest family. In a nutshell, the knowledge and arrangement might be the factors why mothers leave their kids to the father and it seems to me that it is a good trend.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the role of mothers to maintain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has
been replaced
by fathers in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
areas. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of reasons why this can
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
be and
I am pretty sure that it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
evolution.

For me, mother’s choice to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
her baby to her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
husband
can happen due to various reasons.
Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
might have wider knowledge about how to maintain the baby
correctly
and
effectively
than his life partner has.
Hence
, it is likely to be a wise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
if he obtains the full responsibility to take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Furthermore
, the agreement created
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
entering marriage life
also
can be a cause. My sister as an example,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
she and her future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
husband
decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
marriage, they made an appointment that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
husband
will look after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as my sister earned much more money than he did. Looking at this example, it seems that economy factor
indirectly
is one of the reasons. The
traditionally
settled marriage is declining while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are choosing their life partners. This lead to a phenomenon that women are no longer bound to take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and do household works. If they have better potentials, they do the office jobs or run a business and that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
the father to stay at home.

In my opinion, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
evolution if the female works and the male stay at home to maintain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is likely to be a distinct proof showing that the position of both genders is same.
In addition
, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
a traditional assumption revealing that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
husband
who should earn money for the family and the wife should be a full-time housewife. This issue
also
reveals that
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "each" is left.
the each
couple
seemly
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
in order to create their finest family.

In a nutshell, the knowledge and arrangement might be the factors why mothers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their kids to the father and it seems to me that it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
trend.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts