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These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? v.10

These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? v. 10
These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Do you think it is a positive or a negative development? Nowadays it is common in many families where mothers are breadwinners for the family, while their role is played by the father of upbringing children. A number of factors have led to this situation, I regard it as a positive trend. On the one hand, in today's society, parents have had to adapt to several changes. Firstly, owing to the advancement of equal rights movements, 21st century's ladies have greater access to educational and professional opportunities which in turn create a situation where women can lead to gain qualifications and pursue a career. Secondly, On the basis of their personalities, to certain kinds of professions such as human resource management, nursing and teaching which are primarily driven by women. For example, in a hospital, more female nurses are recruited due to the fact women tend to more patience and caring to look after patients. Finally, the rising of living which means both marriage partners need to have a job to support the family, therefore, it may depend on the personal preference of each partner, who will take the role of breadwinner and who will take on the role of upbringing children, or based on which partner earns the most money. On the other hand, in my opinion, this trend could create a profound influence not only in the societies but among the families as well. Having househusband, men can realise the arduous job of his wife that make him more respectable toward her. In addition, it could make harmony and understand between spouses which positively effects on the children as well. Last but not least, there is always a chance to get back to the traditional professions of men and women if they feel bored as seeking a change. In conclusion, the changing of gender roles are beneficial to the family as well as society and this trend is greatly acceptable.
These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Do you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development?

Nowadays it is common in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
where mothers are breadwinners for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, while their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
is played
by the father of upbringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. A number of factors have led to this situation, I regard it as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend.

On the one hand, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's society, parents have had to adapt to several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.
Firstly
, owing to the advancement of equal rights movements, 21st century's ladies have greater access to educational and professional opportunities which in turn create a situation where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can lead to gain qualifications and pursue a career.
Secondly
, On the basis of their personalities, to certain kinds of professions such as human resource management, nursing and teaching which are
primarily
driven by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
For example
, in a hospital, more female nurses
are recruited
due to the fact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
tend to more patience and caring to look after patients.
Finally
, the rising of living which means both marriage partners need to have a job to support the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
therefore
, it may depend on the personal preference of each partner, who will take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
of breadwinner and who will take on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
of upbringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, or based on which partner earns the most money.

On the other hand
, in my opinion, this trend could create a profound influence not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the societies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
as well
. Having househusband,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
can
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
the arduous job of his wife that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
him more respectable toward her.
In addition
, it could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
harmony and understand between spouses which
positively
effects on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as well
. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, there is always a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
back to the traditional professions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
if they feel bored as seeking a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.

In conclusion
, the changing of gender
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
are beneficial to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
as well
as society and this trend is
greatly
acceptable.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? v. 10

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
348 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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