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These days, mobile phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

These days, mobile phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Bnbj
These days, phones and the internet are necessary for communicating with one another. I think that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages since it is important that individuals communicate with each other socially. To begin with, phones and the internet allowed many people to communicate with their family members and friends that are far away from where they live. It is obvious that phones are the fastest and most reliable when communicating with your loved ones by audio or video call. Therefore, mobile phones allow us to connect and socialize with our loved ones, even if they are far away. Moreover, it prevents people from feeling lonely and unsocialized as they could communicate with anyone who is online, 24/7. For example, a person might able to talk with new people and even be friends with them online! This is a good thing because it would avoid people from feeling isolated, and might give them confidence as well. On the other hand, the internet has some disadvantages as well. One disadvantage is that an individual might be bullied or abused online. There are some people on the internet who says violent and bad things which could hurt the person emotionally. In conclusion, the internet has more merits and demerits as it allows people to communicate with their loved ones who are far away from their home and help people from feeling isolated or lonely.
These days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and the internet are necessary for communicating with one another. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages since it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicate
with each other
socially
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and the internet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicate
with their family members and friends that are far away from where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. It is obvious that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are the fastest and most reliable when communicating with your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
by audio or video call.
Therefore
, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
us to connect and socialize with our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
, even if they are far away.

Moreover
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from feeling lonely and unsocialized as they could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicate
with anyone who is online, 24/7.
For example
, a person
Did you mean "might be able"?
might able
to talk with new
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people
and even be friends with them online! This is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it would avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from feeling isolated, and might give them confidence
as well
.

On the other hand
, the internet has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages
as well
. One disadvantage is that an individual might
be bullied
or abused online. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on the internet who says violent and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things which could hurt the person
emotionally
.

In conclusion
, the internet has more merits and demerits as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicate
with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
who are far away from their home and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from feeling isolated or lonely.
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IELTS essay These days, mobile phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
232 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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