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these days, mobile phones and Internet's are important to the ways in which people relate with one another socially. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages v.2

these days, mobile phones and Internet's are important to the ways in which people relate with one another socially. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages v. 2
In recent times, the use of handsets and internet as means of socialization is becoming increasingly popular. While there are some drawbacks with the use of phones and online access like cyber crime, a break in face to face interaction between people, the benefits to humans are enormous when compares to the negative effects. This will be explain in the following paragraphs There are a few draw demerits regarding the use of electronic gadgets and internet access. Firstly, because of the advances in technology world, Criminals now see the use of phones and internet as avenue to perpetuate there heinous acts by involving in cyber crimes. This has lead to a lot of individuals falling victims of online fraud. For instance, a report released by the economic financial crime commission, revealed that about 70% of individuals who carried out online transactions, were victims of online scam. Again, mobile phone and internet access have reduce the importance of social gathering amongst peers because such meetings can be held online and as conference calls. Consequently, peers hardly see the need to visit each other creating a gap in face to face interactions. Having said the above, there a lot of benefits derived from the rise in the use of handsets and accessing the internet. One of such positive effects of the use of electronics includes easy means of communications. One can easily interacts with another individual from the convenient of his or her home by simply putting a call forward to the other person. This has made life very interesting. For instance, a father can reach his son in the university in another city from the comfort of his home by dialing the phone digits of the son. In addition, because of the portability of phones, students can surf the internet for information, from the beds, making study enjoyable. In conclusion, although there few negatives from the use of phone and internet, such as cyber crime and a breach in visual interaction between friends, its advantageous effect such as convenient of interaction and educative role are more exclusive
In recent times, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of handsets and internet as means of socialization is becoming
increasingly
popular. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
access like cyber
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, a break in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
interaction between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, the benefits to humans are enormous when compares to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects. This will be
Consider using the past participle "explained"?
explain
in the following
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
paragraphs


There are a few draw demerits regarding the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of electronic gadgets and internet access.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the advances in technology world, Criminals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and internet as avenue to perpetuate there heinous acts by involving in cyber
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. This has lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
individuals falling victims of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
fraud.
For instance
, a report released by the economic financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
commission, revealed that about 70% of individuals who carried out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
transactions, were victims of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
scam. Again, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
and internet access have
Use past participle here: "reduced".
reduce
the importance of social gathering amongst peers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
such meetings can
be held
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
and as conference calls.
Consequently
, peers hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the need to visit each other creating a gap in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
interactions.

Having said the above, there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits derived from the rise in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of handsets and accessing the internet. One of such
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of electronics includes easy means of communications. One can
easily
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "interact"
interacts
with another individual from
The phrase 'the convenient of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the convenient of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
home by
simply
putting a call forward to the other person. This has made life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
interesting.
For instance
, a father can reach his son in the university in another city from the comfort of his home by dialing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
digits of the son.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the portability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
, students can surf the internet for information, from the beds, making study enjoyable.

In conclusion
, although there few negatives from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
and internet, such as cyber
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and a breach in visual interaction between friends, its advantageous effect such as convenient of interaction and educative role are more exclusive
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay these days, mobile phones and Internet's are important to the ways in which people relate with one another socially. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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