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these days many people leave their country to work abroad and take their family with them. do you think merits outweigh the demerits.

these days many people leave their country to work abroad and take their family with them. do you think merits outweigh the demerits. BgXYp
In this contemporary era, opportunities to work abroad have been increased incredibly. Some people take their family with them to avoid long-distance. This situation has both merits and demerits. In my conception, advantages overweigh disadvantages in many ways. This essay intends to discuss both the viewpoint. This is the supporting statement for the people who take their family with them. First, some individuals have a strong bond with their loved once and they cannot handle the long-term separation. As a result, they have to leave their job sometimes. Moreover, most of them feel homesick and lonely while working and this leads to the problem of depression. For instance, recent reports from a news article showed that the divorce rates are high for the couple who are living separately for their career. And leaving the job is a far better option than ending up the relationship for many of them. What is more, is that children need care from both of their parents. If one of them is living away from their child this will surely affect their mental growth. the Consequences of this condition may be worst. To put it another way, children need proper love and care from their parents. In contrast, some people opine that living with family is expensive in another city. For example, if an individual is living alone then he has to share all his expenses with another one and expenses become less. But a family needs proper accommodation and other facilities which turns out to be expensive. Furthermore, children have to adapt to the new environment and they may face cultural shock. Which is somewhere hard. They have to face the language barrier sometimes. This is even hard for adults also. To sum up, there are both advantages and disadvantages of this issue. People should decide according to their condition. If they are financially stable then the family should be called, otherwise not.
In this contemporary era, opportunities to work abroad have
been increased
incredibly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
with them to avoid long-distance. This situation has both merits and demerits. In my conception, advantages
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweigh
disadvantages in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways. This essay intends to discuss both the viewpoint.

This is the supporting statement for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who take their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
with them.
First
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals have a strong bond with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
once and
they cannot handle the long-term separation.
As a result
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
.
Moreover
, most of them feel homesick and lonely while working and this leads to the problem of depression.
For instance
, recent reports from a news article
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that the divorce rates are high for the couple who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
separately
for their career. And leaving the job is a far better option than ending up the relationship for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them.

What is more
, is that children need care from both of their parents.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
one of them is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
away from their child this will
surely
affect their mental growth.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
Consequences of this condition may be worst. To put it another way, children need proper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and care from their parents.

In contrast
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is expensive in another city.
For example
, if an individual is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
alone then he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
share all his expenses with another one and expenses become less.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
needs proper accommodation and other facilities which turns out to be expensive.
Furthermore
, children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
adapt to the new
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
environment and
they may face cultural shock. Which is somewhere
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face the language barrier
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
. This is even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for adults
also
.

To sum up, there are both advantages and disadvantages of this issue.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should decide according to their condition. If they are
financially
stable then the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
should
be called
,
otherwise
not.

IELTS essay these days many people leave their country to work abroad and take their family with them. do you think merits outweigh the demerits.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
319 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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