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These days many children spend a lot of their time playing computer games but little time doing sports. Why is this? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

These days many children spend a lot of their time playing computer games but little time doing sports. Why is this? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? 67pB
In recent decades, many children spent most of their time playing video game due to the rapidly evolution of technology. These will reduce time for children to play outdoor activities, which is an adverse problems to children improvement. Computer games are incresing demanding due to the fact that many technology companies have been developed a high-tech devices that have many special effect and well-design character to encourage children to play more video games. For instance, current medias have advertise a visual effect that might have an inspiration from a popular cartoons or movies that children like to watch, so it will make children interest and addict with the games without any awareness. In addition, some games can play with their friends and they do not have to go outside in the hot weather and play outdoor activities. Instead, they can sit in the cool comfort seat and spent time with their friends. In fact, playing computer games give a feeling of entertainment, which can reduce the stress during the day. Therefore, the popularity of playing video game is dramatically increasing and also in the future as the new innovations continue to develop. Despite the entertainment that video games provided, playing too much video games can effect children's physical health and relationship in the society. When they watching the small screen of computer for a long time, it will have a negative effects on their eyesight and physical health. Computer games do not require any body movement, so this problem will lead to be obesity in the future. Moreover, as the result from lack of body movement and lazy to go exercise outside, it will effects relationship between their friends and family. Children will become more isolated and do not care about their surrounding, which will be a significant effects for them in the future. In deed, video game will give them a vision and perspective only the computer world. Therefore, they do not know how to socialize with others and protect themselves from online criminal. To conclude, playing video games can give a sense of entertainment to the new high-tech medias that have been recently developed. However, there are many effects to children physical health and interaction in the society, which adults need to take step and solve this urgen problems.
In recent decades,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spent most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
game due to the
rapidly
evolution of technology. These will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
outdoor activities, which is an adverse
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "problem"?
problems
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
improvement.

Computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
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incresing
demanding due to the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have
been developed
a high-tech
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "device"?
devices
that have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
and well-design character to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
medias have
Use past participle here: "advertised".
advertise
a visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
that might have an inspiration from a popular cartoons or movies that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
interest and addict with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
without any awareness.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
with their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
friends and
they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go outside in the hot weather and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
outdoor activities.
Instead
, they can sit in the cool comfort seat and spent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their friends. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
give a feeling of entertainment, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
during the day.
Therefore
, the popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
game is
dramatically
increasing and
also
in the future as the new innovations continue to develop.

Despite the entertainment that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
provided,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
children's physical health and relationship in the society. When
Did you mean "they're watching", "they are watching", or "they were watching"?
they watching
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
screen of computer for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, it will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on their eyesight and physical health. Computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
do not require
Did you mean "anybody"?
any body
movement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this problem will lead to be obesity in the future.
Moreover
, as the result from lack of body movement and lazy to go exercise outside, it will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "effect"
effects
relationship between their friends and family.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
will become more isolated and do not care about their surrounding, which will be a significant
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "effect"?
effects
for them in the future. In deed,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
game will give them a vision and perspective
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the computer world.
Therefore
, they do not know how to socialize with others and protect themselves from online criminal.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can give a sense of entertainment to the new high-tech medias that have been recently developed.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
effects to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
physical health and interaction in the society, which adults need to take step and solve this
Possible spelling mistake found.
urgen
problems.
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IELTS essay These days many children spend a lot of their time playing computer games but little time doing sports. Why is this? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
381 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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