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These days many advertisements are aimed at children. What effect do you think they have? Should advertising to children be more controlled and regulated?

These days many advertisements are aimed at children. What effect do you think they have? Should advertising to children be more controlled and regulated? W5Amq
Advertisements are considered the bone for developing business in this era. Ads influence kids more as they found their content more attractive that make them stubborn and ruin their habits. Advertising to children should be controlled to make children's concentrate on studies and learn norms. To commence with, promotion aimed children more to promote their business. The consequent of it is that infants not only become stubborn but also get habitual to buy unusual products. when they saw broadcast, they force their parents to buy that things. They get stuck on it and they don't even listen their parents. For instance, A survey conducted in 2019 revealed that 80% become strong- willed after watching the ads that forced on them. Moreover, sometimes, they persist to buy the things that they do not even need, its just waste to money. Later, it become their habit to spend money on that optional things. Furthermore, ads that focus on young adults should be regulated, so that they can not attract children too much. In this stage of life, they must concentrate on their studies. Kids mostly adopt the things more quickly that their parents and others teach them in their childhood. its crucial time for the parents to teach them valuable things rather them they learning to become stubborn. moving further, this time they can also learn spent money wisely. In conclusion, children learn to waste money on unusual l things by watching ads aimed on them. These advertisements should be regulated to give space to infants to adopt necessary things that they need for whole life.
Advertisements
are considered
the bone for developing business in this era. Ads influence kids more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
they found their content more attractive that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them stubborn and ruin their habits. Advertising to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be controlled
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
children's concentrate on studies and learn norms.

To commence with, promotion aimed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more to promote their business. The consequent of it is that infants not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
stubborn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
habitual to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
unusual products.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
when
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
broadcast, they force their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
that things. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
stuck on
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
it and
they don't even listen their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
For instance
, A survey conducted in 2019 revealed that 80%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
strong- willed after watching the ads that forced on them.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, they persist to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the things that they do not even need, its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
waste to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Later, it
Did you mean "becomes"?
become
their habit to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on that optional things.

Furthermore
, ads that focus on young adults should
be regulated
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can not attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
too much. In this stage of life, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
concentrate on their studies. Kids
mostly
adopt the things more
quickly
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
teach them in their childhood.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
its
crucial time for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to teach them valuable things
rather
them
Did you mean "they're learning", "they are learning", or "they were learning"?
they learning
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
stubborn.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
moving
further
, this time they can
also
learn spent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
wisely
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn to waste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on unusual l things by watching ads
The usual collocation for "aimed" is "at" not "on". Did you mean "aimed at"?
aimed on
them. These advertisements should
be regulated
to give space to infants to adopt necessary things that they need for whole life.
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IELTS essay These days many advertisements are aimed at children. What effect do you think they have? Should advertising to children be more controlled and regulated?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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