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These days, family members tend to be not as close as in the past. Many people believe that this is because of the adults. Others think that it is because of the children. Discuss both views and give your opinions

These days, family members tend to be not as close as in the past. Many people believe that this is because of the adults. Others think that it is because of the children. Discuss both views and give your opinions BM1Q6
Many people believe that the adults are the main reason for separation between family members, while the others think that children are likely to be more unconnected with their parents. Both of these viewpoints are reasonable, but I am inclined to the former one due to a number of reasons which will be explained in the essay below. On the one hand, there are two main reasons why children did not get along well with their family members. Firstly, many children nowadays, tend to leave their parents at an early age to study or work elsewhere instead of living dependently from their on parents. The independence of children would make the distance between them and their families because they do not spare enough time to take care of other members which render their relationship less close. Secondly, the attraction of entertainment media causes addiction to children and reduces the interaction of family members. For example, children mostly prefer using their free time to watch TV, surf the Internet or play video games than sharing with adults and trying to understand each other thoroughly. On the other hand, I am of the opinion that adults are the reason for family members having less contact with each other. First of all, adults may often be more concerned about work than taking care of their families. This is partly due to the fast pace of modern life, people are now living a busier one, they have to work longer hours, so that would be very difficult to get all family members together. The second reason is the generation gap between parents and children leading to differences in thinking, logic, and perspective on the same issues. For parents, going to university is the only way to success but for children, there is nothing wrong when dropping out of school to pursue their passions. In conclusion, it is understandable that why some think that children are the reason for separation between family members. However, I believe that adults should be responsible for connecting all members in the family.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the
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adults
are the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for separation between
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family
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members
, while the others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
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children
are likely to be more unconnected with their
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parents
. Both of these viewpoints are reasonable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
am inclined
to the former one due to a number of
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reasons
which will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in the essay below.

On the one hand, there are two main
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reasons
why
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children
did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
along well with their
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family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
.
Firstly
,
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many
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children
nowadays, tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
at an early age to study or work elsewhere
instead
of living
dependently
from their on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. The independence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the distance between them and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not spare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to take care of
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other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
which render their relationship less close.
Secondly
, the attraction of entertainment media causes addiction to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the interaction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
mostly
prefer using their free time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV, surf the Internet or play video games than sharing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
and trying to understand each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
thoroughly
. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, I am of the opinion that
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adults
are the
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reason
for
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family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
having less contact with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
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adults
may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
be more concerned about work than taking care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. This is partly due to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
pace of modern life,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
living a busier one, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work longer hours,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
together. The second
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reason
is the generation gap between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
leading to differences in thinking, logic, and perspective on the same issues. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, going to university is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to success
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, there is nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
when dropping out of school to pursue their passions.

In conclusion
, it is understandable that why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for separation between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
.
However
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
should be responsible for connecting all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
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IELTS essay These days, family members tend to be not as close as in the past. Many people believe that this is because of the adults. Others think that it is because of the children. Discuss both views and give your opinions

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
343 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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