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These days, cell(mobile) phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially

These days, cell(mobile) phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially 7L3MX
In today’s society, the internet and mobile phones are very necessary for such ways in which people attach to one other socially. I believe that the benefits of this development outweigh drawbacks. On the one hand, we can learn something from anywhere in the world thanks to advances in the internet. Nowadays, most universities and schools offer distance learning courses that allow us to attend classes from our home via skype, zoom and so on. For example, a Vietnamese who wants an Australian degree in accounting and auditing does not have to stay in Australia, because she can study online and complete the course without leaving her home country. Therefore, internet technology plays an important role in our daily lives, helping people stay, connected and socialize with their nears and dears. On the other hand, one of the most negative consequences of this development is that people may have fewer separated in connection with a face- to- face conversations. People nowadays prefer to communicate via cell phones or the internet; in most cases, instead of speaking, they send a message. Facebook Message, Instagram are two of the most popular messaging apps. Moreover, the internet is a space where somebody can pretend to be another individual to conduct online bullying, trolls or fraud. In conclusion, although the absence of face to face conversation is a disadvantage of the internet and mobile phones, it improves the way we can keep in contact with our loved ones and communicate with new friends. Therefore, this is a positive step forward for society.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s society, the internet and mobile phones are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
necessary for such ways in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
attach to one other
socially
. I believe that the benefits of this development outweigh drawbacks.

On the one hand, we can learn something from anywhere in the world thanks to advances
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the internet".
in the internet
. Nowadays, most universities and schools offer distance learning courses that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
us to attend classes from our home via skype, zoom and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
For example
, a Vietnamese who wants an Australian degree in accounting and auditing does not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
stay in Australia,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she can study online and complete the course without leaving her home country.
Therefore
, internet technology plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in our daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
stay, connected and socialize with their nears and dears.

On the other hand
, one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences of this development is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may have fewer separated in connection with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face-
to-
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
conversations.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
nowadays prefer to communicate via cell phones or the internet;
in most cases
,
instead
of speaking, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
a message. Facebook Message, Instagram are two of the most popular messaging apps.
Moreover
, the internet is a space where somebody can pretend to be another individual to conduct online bullying, trolls or fraud.

In conclusion
, although the absence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
conversation is a disadvantage of the internet and mobile phones, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the way we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in contact with our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones and communicate with new friends.
Therefore
, this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
step forward for society.

IELTS essay These days, cell(mobile) phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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