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adding numerous of sports facilities have some potential to improve public health. the other sides believe that a little impact on public health, I agree with this statement. discuss both views

adding numerous of sports facilities have some potential to improve public health. the other sides believe that a little impact on public health, I agree with this statement. discuss both views qR0jP
Today’s many people particularly a young people struggle with their healthy problems, many of them obtain a diabetics and heart problem since they work from home, spent more than 12 hours in computer without any balanced diet and workout. From this situation, some people believe the best way to improve people health by adding the number of sport facilities hence people can easy to exercise. However, the others say this would bring a tiny impact on public health and need other way to handle this. In this essay, I would like to discuss both views with my own perspective. That is true, with adding numerous of sports facilities have some potential to improve public health. However, it is not the only way for that improvement. For example, in a recent years, at my country, there were several construction of sport facilities spread to all area in Jakarta as particular. The result, a number of society was excited and keened on to workout and exercise. Surprisingly, the number of people who diagnosed of diabetics and hearth problem was decreased. This project was fully success and it implemented to other cities. Why this can highly impacted to our society due the fact this made so convenient so people can easily to communicate with other people while exercise. In addition, a good facilities that motivating our people to keep healthy. On the contrary, the other sides believe that a little impact on public health, I agree with this statement. Although, the development of sports facilities is one thing that especially government need to put an attention, there some aspects that need to be highlight to improve our public health by make a diet policy. For instance, learn from Norway or other Scandinavian countries that made a diet regulation such as high taxes of sugary products and alcohol products. It is clearly, that those countries are preventing a bad habits of their communities to consumed a lot of sugary products and alcohol. Consequently, the surprising number of public health in those countries reached the highest number as the healthiest countries in the world. Briefly my own perspective and as a conclusion, public health system can achieve with many ways, one of them is construct the number of sports facilities. However, the most essential things are, how government encouraging their communities to have a better life. For instance, make some regulation of tax for harmful meals that can cause health problems similar like what Scandinavian did. From this point, that help government to reduced to the number of health problem in their society.
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Today
’s
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many
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people
particularly
a young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
struggle with their healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them obtain a diabetics and heart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
since they work from home, spent more than 12 hours in computer without any balanced diet and workout. From this situation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe the best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
by adding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities
hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can easy to exercise.
However
, the others say this would bring a tiny impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
way to handle this. In this essay, I would like to discuss both views with my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective.

That is
true, with adding numerous of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
potential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
However
, it is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way for that improvement.
For example
, in a recent
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years
, at my
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country
, there were
Possible agreement error. The noun construction seems to be countable; consider using: "several constructions".
several construction
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities spread to all area in Jakarta as particular. The result, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of society
was excited
and keened on to workout and exercise.
Surprisingly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who diagnosed of diabetics and hearth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
was decreased
. This project was
fully
success and it implemented to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
cities. Why this can
highly
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "impact"
impacted
to our society due the fact this made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
convenient
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
easily
to communicate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
while exercise.
In addition
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "facility"?
facilities
that motivating our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
healthy.

On the contrary
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sides believe that a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement. Although, the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities is one thing that
especially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
need to put an attention, there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspects that need to be
Consider using a past participle here: "highlighted".
highlight
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a diet policy.
For instance
, learn from Norway or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Scandinavian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
that made a diet regulation such as high taxes of sugary products and alcohol products. It is
clearly
, that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are preventing a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "habit"?
habits
of their communities
Did you mean "to consume"?
to consumed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
sugary products and alcohol.
Consequently
, the surprising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
reached the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
as the healthiest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in the world.

Briefly
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective and as a conclusion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
system can achieve with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways, one of them is construct the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities.
However
, the most essential things are, how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
encouraging their communities to have a better life.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
regulation of tax for harmful meals that can cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
similar like what Scandinavian did. From this point, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
in their society.
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IELTS essay adding numerous of sports facilities have some potential to improve public health. the other sides believe that a little impact on public health, I agree with this statement. discuss both views

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
428 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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