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There's a debate about whether or not urban sprawl is a good thing. What is your opinion?

There's a debate about whether or not urban sprawl is a good thing. What is your opinion? bQ7Pl
The spread of urban construction is said to be whether a harmful development or a positive sign. From my point of view, urban sprawl does show some tell-tale disadvantages. First and foremost, the urbanization trends involve reducing forest density in rural areas. When residents in megalopolises hold an annual population growth, the need for building land rises. Consequently, this natural phenomenon causes a grove of flourishing trees to disappear-also known as deforestation. A profuse outpouring of infrastructure such as regional transport networks, stations of all kinds invades a large scale of natural spaces. Furthermore, it might also lead to a lack of urban green space and the loss of biodiversity and wildlife habitats. Second, the urban expansion increases pollution dramatically. Such groundwork processes usually leave pollutants, including bricks, metals, asphalt, concrete. Moreover, when wasted, they would affect the water and air quality. As a result, citizens could suffer from pneumonia, lungs diseases, and cancer. Enhanced life services, although convenient, cause obesity and laziness to many urban dwellers. In conclusion, urban sprawl has lots of negative impacts. Not only does it cut down profuse and vigorous forests, but it also results in health issues. In my opinion, we should improve our living place first instead of extending it.
The spread of
urban
construction
is said
to be whether a harmful development or a
positive
sign
. From my point of view,
urban
sprawl does
show
some
tell
-tale disadvantages.

First
and foremost, the urbanization trends involve reducing forest density in rural areas. When residents in megalopolises hold an annual population growth, the need for building land rises.
Consequently
, this natural phenomenon causes a grove of flourishing trees to disappear-
also
known as deforestation. A profuse outpouring of infrastructure such as regional transport networks, stations of all kinds invades a large scale of natural spaces.
Furthermore
, it might
also
lead to a lack of
urban
green space and the loss of biodiversity and wildlife habitats.

Second, the
urban
expansion increases pollution
dramatically
. Such groundwork processes
usually
leave
pollutants, including bricks, metals, asphalt, concrete.
Moreover
, when wasted, they would affect the water and air quality.
As a result
, citizens could suffer from pneumonia, lungs diseases, and cancer. Enhanced life services, although convenient, cause obesity and laziness to
many
urban
dwellers.

In conclusion
,
urban
sprawl has lots of
negative
impacts. Not
only
does it
cut
down profuse and vigorous forests,
but
it
also
results in health issues. In my opinion, we should
improve
our living place
first
instead
of extending it.
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IELTS essay There's a debate about whether or not urban sprawl is a good thing. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
207 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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Task Achievement: 6.0
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