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What do you do in your free time?

What do you do in your free time? LGA66
It has become more and more rare to see people spending their leisure time doing some kind of hobby. In my point of view this is happening because of the the way the society works in big cities, as everyone looks to be more worried about working and studies. Fistly, it is impossible to deny that our society has changed in the last decades, and so has changed the way people see their role at work. It looks like the work market became more competitive and men and women are spending more time in the office. For example, if getting a higher position in a big company means working for 12 long hours a day, many emploeeys will accept it without a second thought. Secondly, more and more people are worried about their studies, so they end up never setting aside some time to relax or to do what they like. We see that many students want to be more competitive and intelligent to do better in life. For instance, in my case I stopped playing football when I went to college because I worked the entire week and on weekends I only had time to study. Another aspect of this is related to the bad effects of not having time to do activities we like. As individuals we need to maintain our metal health and spending the whole life working or studying will not lead to that. Depression, anxiety and other problems certainlly will come. Therefore, at the end of the day, the society will lose, because there will be more sick and stressed individuals. In conclusion, despite the world has changed and fewer people are cared about their free time, it is vital to remember that our body needs to stop and regain energy from time to time. Being able to enjoy new activities and having some time to hobbies will help and will keep us safe.
It has become more and more rare to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spending their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of hobby. In my point of view this is happening
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
way the society works in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities, as everyone looks to be more worried about working and studies.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Fistly
, it is impossible to deny that our society has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
in the last decades, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their role at work. It looks like the work market became more competitive and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women are spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in the office.
For example
, if getting a higher position in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
means working for 12 long hours a day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
emploeeys
will accept it without a second
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
.

Secondly
, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are worried
about their studies,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up never setting aside
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to relax or to do what they like. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students want to be more competitive and intelligent to do better in life.
For instance
, in my case I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
playing football when I went to college
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I worked the entire week and on weekends I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to study.

Another aspect of this
is related
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects of not having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do activities we like. As
The comma is probably missing here: "individuals, we".
individuals we
need to maintain our metal health and spending the whole life working or studying will not lead to that. Depression, anxiety and other problems
Possible spelling mistake found.
certainlly
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
.
Therefore
, at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the day, the society will lose,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there will be more sick and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
individuals.

In conclusion
, despite the world has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
and fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are cared
about their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, it is vital to remember that our body needs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
and regain energy from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Being able to enjoy new activities and having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to hobbies will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
us safe.
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IELTS essay What do you do in your free time?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
319 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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