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TV is an unnecessary tool at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

TV is an unnecessary tool at home. aV9yV
In recent years, the population of social networks is growing day by day. This is why many people think that televisions have an insignificant role in their lives. I partially agree with this statement, since the advantages of televisions cannot be overlooked either. Televisions are still necessary tool at home because of some reasons. First of all, it can be free cinema which is located in their living room. And people do not need to spend money on things like popcorn, tickets and others. Secondly, there are educational TV channels to teach children easily through cartoons and TV programs. That is very helppful for kids whose parents are not able to pay education fees due to financial reasons. Another reason is that, watching TV shows and movies or songs could be a great chance to be with someone else who are friends or family members. It gives an opportunity to catch the best memories. In addition, experts state that watching TV with someone lessens the loneliness. On the other hand, there are number of reasons why people think that TVs are unnecessary. Firstly, people live in in the age of technology, they do not need televisions as much as they used to. Nowadays, people can watch TV programs through the computers, smartphones and other digital media. This is why televisions are becoming unnecessary tool at home. Moreover, TVs make people lazy and people do not know how they are wasting time. Because TV shows are very addictive. For example, women forget to do houseworks, like, cooking, cleaning the house and so on. In conclusion, the population of social media is increasing but TVs still play an important role in life. I think this statement is true because of pros and cons.
In recent years, the population of social networks is growing day by day. This is why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
have an insignificant role in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement, since the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
cannot
be overlooked
either.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Televisions
are
still
necessary tool at home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it can be free cinema which
is located
in their living room. And
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not need to spend money on things like popcorn, tickets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
.
Secondly
, there are educational TV channels to teach children
easily
through cartoons and TV programs.
That is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Possible spelling mistake found.
helppful
for kids whose parents are not able to pay education fees due to financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that, watching TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and movies or songs could be a great chance to be with someone else who are friends or family members. It gives an opportunity to catch the best memories.
In addition
, experts state that watching TV with someone lessens the loneliness.
On the other hand
, there are number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that TVs are unnecessary.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
Possible typo: you repeated a word
in in
the age of technology, they do not need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
as much as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV programs through the computers, smartphones and other digital media. This is why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
are becoming unnecessary tool at home.
Moreover
, TVs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lazy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not know how they are wasting time.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
addictive.
For example
, women forget to do
Possible spelling mistake found.
houseworks
, like, cooking, cleaning the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
In conclusion
, the population of social media is increasing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
TVs
still
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in life. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this statement is true
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of pros and cons.
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IELTS essay TV is an unnecessary tool at home.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
291 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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