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There still seems to be widespread famine, droughts, deaths from disease and civil war in the countries that have received the money raised.

There still seems to be widespread famine, droughts, deaths from disease and civil war in the countries that have received the money raised. G3OAw
It could be argued, however, that nothing really has changed since the first of these events took place. There still seems to be widespread famine, droughts, deaths from disease and civil war in the countries that have received the money raised. Nothing has been fundamentally altered by the giving of the charitable aid. The funds alleviate, but do not cure, the underlying ills. Far from transforming the lives of the poverty-stricken, hungry people, the money seems to be swallowed up and the need remains constant. Many professionals working in the aid agencies query whether these well-publicised fundraising concerts do any lasting good. They look to other solutions for the deep problems that face Africain particular.
It could
be argued
,
however
, that nothing
really
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
since the
first
of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
took place. There
still
seems to be widespread famine, droughts,

deaths from disease and civil war in the countries that have received the money raised. Nothing has been
fundamentally
altered by the giving of the charitable aid. The funds alleviate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
do not cure, the underlying ills. Far from transforming the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives


of the poverty-stricken, hungry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, the money seems to
be swallowed
up and the need remains constant.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
professionals working in the aid agencies query whether these
Possible spelling mistake found.
well-publicised
fundraising concerts do any lasting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
. They look to other solutions for the deep problems that face
Possible spelling mistake found.
Africain
particular.
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IELTS essay There still seems to be widespread famine, droughts, deaths from disease and civil war in the countries that have received the money raised.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
115 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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