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There seems to be an increasing number of serious crimes committed each year.While some think best way is to use death penalty as a deterrent ,many people believe that other measures will be needed.Discuss both views

There seems to be an increasing number of serious crimes committed each year. While some think best way is to use death penalty as a deterrent, many people believe that other measures will be needed. Discuss both views Dkjk
Its often said that there is a number of people commit a crime every year. To tackle this problem completing death penalty is proper way, while others have opinion to use other decision would be necessary. This essay will analyse both views and give following reasons. On the one hand, giving death punishment gives other offenders to be more aware of doing serious offenses. Because people always want to live even get a life sentence rather than die by doing crime. Also, the victim and their family can be live appeased during the whole lifetime. In other words, most of the criminals have a tendency to recommit a crime after being released from prison. From that reason victim and their closer ones always worried about something bad would happen to them in the future. if these hard-heart offenders were not being existed in the society, other innocent humanity could live peacefully and pleasant. On the other hand, to decrease the amount of serious crime, the government should focus on the underlying reasons why the rate of crime is increasing year by year. To illustrate, a recent survey of national police agency revealed that 60 percent of juvenile delinquents caught by police committed crimes just because they couldn't find job to earn a livelihood. That is to say, enlightening and get educated to all population will lead to drop the attraction of doing criminal activities. To conclude, the death penalty is the best considered solution to struggle dangerous criminals act as it creates fear in potential criminals and prevent them doing heinous crimes, while others suggested additional suggestions to overcome the rise of crimes, such as compulsory education and creation of jobs.
Its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that there is a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
commit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
every year. To tackle this problem completing death penalty is
Please check whether an article is missing: "a proper".
proper
way, while others have opinion to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
decision would be necessary. This essay will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
both views and give following reasons.

On the one hand, giving death punishment gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
offenders to be more aware of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
serious offenses.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
always want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a life sentence
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
Also
, the victim and their family can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
appeased during the whole lifetime. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
have a tendency to recommit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
after
being released
from prison. From that reason victim and their closer ones always worried about something
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
would happen to them in the future.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
if
these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-heart offenders were not
being existed
in the society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
innocent humanity could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
peacefully
and pleasant.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, to decrease the amount of serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should focus on the underlying reasons why the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is increasing year by year. To illustrate, a recent survey of national police agency revealed that 60 percent of juvenile delinquents caught by police committed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they couldn't find job to earn a livelihood.
That is
to say, enlightening and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
educated to all population will lead to drop the attraction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
activities.

To conclude
, the death penalty is the best considered solution to struggle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
act as it creates fear in potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
heinous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, while others suggested additional suggestions to overcome the rise of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, such as compulsory education and creation of jobs.

IELTS essay There seems to be an increasing number of serious crimes committed each year. While some think best way is to use death penalty as a deterrent, many people believe that other measures will be needed. Discuss both views

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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