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Due to the ‘brain drain’, many developing countries are losing their top professionals in fields such as medicine and computer sciences. What problems does this cause? What solutions can be suggested to deal with this situation?

Due to the ‘brain drain’, many developing countries are losing their top professionals in fields such as medicine and computer sciences. What problems does this cause? What solutions can be suggested to deal with this situation? L7mR
With the advent of globalization, a large number of well-educated specialists who work in medicine and computer science sectors have been leaving their home countries to live with high paid salaries and better conditions of work and life. However, this increasing number of cases are leading various problems such as a foster of the origin countries. This essay will discuss the arising problems associated with ‘brain drain’ situation and suggest some possible solutions to tackle this situation. To begin with, there are several main problems that are likely to occur because of losing professionals to developed countries. First, it is directly related to the accelerated prosperity of the peripheral countries. It means that if top professionals do not only work constantly but also they do academic and scientific research in their fields without any intention to leave their home countries, the development process might be much easier for developing countries. However, due to the lack of research and career development opportunities and well- equipped technological work and research environment, a majority of scientists tend to go to other core countries where they have many other career and research possibilities. Taking Mongolia for instance, 70 percent of total young professionals who have acquired top level degrees in western countries work overseas according to the recent survey of the Ministry of Labor of Mongolia. In my opinion it is the total responsibility of the government of developing countries. Whether the well-experienced top professionals leave their home countries or not is directly connected to the way they are promoted by the government in a sustainable environment of work and research of medical and science sectors. Moreover, another possible approach is reducing the tax pressure on private companies which import cutting-edge technological equipment. By introducing these approaches, the government of developing countries can provide much better opportunities for their top professionals In conclusion, although having worked in developed countries, top specialists can earn more income, they should realize that contributing their knowledge and experience is vital for further fostering their home countries. Also the government should sufficiently promote top professionals by ensuring constant high salary and condition of research development.
With the advent of globalization,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
well-educated specialists who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in medicine and computer science sectors have been leaving their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with high paid salaries and better conditions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and life.
However
, this increasing number of cases are leading various problems such as
The phrase 'a foster of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a foster of
the origin
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. This essay will discuss the arising problems associated with ‘brain drain’ situation and suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible solutions to tackle this situation.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are several main problems that are likely to occur
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of losing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
to developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
First
, it is
directly
related to the accelerated prosperity of the peripheral
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. It means that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
constantly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they do academic and scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
in their fields without any intention to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, the development process might be much easier for developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
However
, due to the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
and career development opportunities and well- equipped technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
environment, a majority of scientists tend to go to other core
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
where they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other career and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
possibilities. Taking Mongolia
for instance
, 70 percent of total young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
who have acquired
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
top level
degrees in western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
overseas according to the recent survey of the Ministry of Labor of Mongolia.

In my opinion it is the total responsibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
of developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Whether the well-experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
or not is
directly
connected to the way they
are promoted
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
in a sustainable environment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
of medical and science sectors.
Moreover
, another possible approach is reducing the tax pressure on private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
which import cutting-edge technological equipment. By introducing these approaches, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
of developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can provide much better opportunities for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
top
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
professionals


In conclusion
, although having worked in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
top
specialists can earn more income, they should realize that contributing their knowledge and experience is vital for
further
fostering their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
sufficiently
promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
by ensuring constant high salary and condition of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
development.

IELTS essay Due to the ‘brain drain’, many developing countries are losing their top professionals in fields such as medicine and computer sciences. What problems does this cause? What solutions can be suggested to deal with this situation?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
356 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
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    One main idea per paragraph
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
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  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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