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There is no doubt that these days many people are often falling prey to visual platforms. While some people believe that violence is the result of watching video games and movies, others argued that it has positive effect on human’s lives. In this essay I am going to explain both points of view and explore my support to the former opinion.

There is no doubt that these days many people are often falling prey to visual platforms. While some people believe that violence is the result of watching video games and movies, others argued that it has positive effect on human’s lives. In this essay I am going to explain both points of view and explore my support to the former opinion. x2lJy
There is no doubt that these days many people are often falling prey to visual platforms. While some people believe that violence is the result of watching video games and movies, others argued that it has positive effect on human’s lives. In this essay I am going to explain both points of view and explore my support to the former opinion. In terms of the positive side, entertainment has become a pleasant way to relax. In other words, they are considered a favourite way to wind down after a hard workday. For example, in Egypt, there are many citizens especially women who spend most of their time watching Egyptian series which bring to them the best comedian actors and musicians, so they love to spend hours as a way to chill out. Therefore, it is considered as excellent stress-busters form a portion of people. However, many nations suffer from violence and atrocities as a result of these kinds of violent games. This is because viewers link violence on screens with crime rates in the world and they copy the behaviour that they see on the screen. If this kind of video games not exists in our society, the world will full of peace. For instance, developed countries suffer from a high level of crimes among children and the reason behind that was video game. Hence, it is seen that they can induce serious issues to many societies. In conclusion, after this writing has shown the merits and demerits of violent contents in different games and films. I am convinced that they are the reason behind crimes and bad habits in many countries and it can lead to disasters if we don’t pay more attention to this issue.
There is no doubt that these days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
falling prey to visual platforms. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that violence is the result of watching video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and movies, others argued that it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on human’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. In this essay I am going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
both points of view and explore my support to the former opinion.

In terms of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side, entertainment has become a pleasant way to relax.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
other words, they
are considered
a
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
way to wind down after a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
workday.
For example
, in Egypt, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
citizens
especially
women who spend most of their time watching Egyptian series which bring to them the best comedian actors and musicians,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to spend hours as a way to chill out.
Therefore
, it
is considered
as excellent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-busters form a portion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations suffer from violence and atrocities
as a result
of these kinds of violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
viewers link violence on screens with crime rates in the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
world and
they copy the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
on the screen. If this kind of video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
not exists in our society, the world will full of peace.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
suffer from a high level of crimes among children and the reason behind that was video game.
Hence
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that they can induce serious issues to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
societies.

In conclusion
, after this writing has shown the merits and demerits of violent contents in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and films. I
am convinced
that they are the reason behind crimes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries and it can lead to disasters if we don’t pay more attention to this issue.
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IELTS essay There is no doubt that these days many people are often falling prey to visual platforms. While some people believe that violence is the result of watching video games and movies, others argued that it has positive effect on human’s lives. In this essay I am going to explain both points of view and explore my support to the former opinion.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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