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There is more need for houses at the moment, people think that they should built houses at the countryside. A small group of people think that they should not build it in the countryside. To what extent do you agree?

There is more need for houses at the moment, people think that they should built houses at the countryside. A small group of people think that they should not build it in the countryside. ljX5K
It is often argued that there is a huge requirement for residence. However the only place which is accessible at the moment is the countryside. A small group of people are considered that it is more significant to secure the countryside instead of building brand new houses. In my opinion, I totally agree that they should be more protective about the countryside. To begin, this approach can be a negative impact on the trees and other nature. A fundamental reason for this is that a lot of tree's will be cut down to build up new buildings for the community. For instance, this can give a negative effect on the CO2. This means that there will be a huge upward trend in the diseases and illnesses. So thats why, it is more reliable to protect the nature from this idea. On the second hand, the countryside is a quiet and beautiful space for the elder community to live there. However this can be destroyed by the arrival of recently developed buildings. The reason for this is that with this development, there will be new facilities to make it more comfortable for the people who live there. For example, the grocerie shops and cinema's will be a lot more closer to the residents. So that is why, most of the countryside will be destroyed with this plan. To conclude, I strongly believe that they should not agree with this approach because it can be negative for the nature and can destroy the countryside.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that there is a huge requirement for residence.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
place which is accessible at the moment is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
. A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are considered
that it is more significant to secure the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
instead
of building
'brand new' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "brand-new".
brand new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
. In my opinion, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that they should be more protective about the countryside.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, this approach can be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the trees and other nature. A fundamental reason for this is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
tree's will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down to build up new buildings for the community.
For instance
, this can give a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on the CO2. This means that there will be a huge upward trend in the diseases and illnesses.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
Possible spelling mistake found
thats
why, it is more reliable to protect the nature from this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

On the second hand, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
is a quiet and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
space for the elder community to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
there.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
this can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
by the arrival of recently developed buildings.
The reason for this is
that with this development, there will be new facilities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it more comfortable for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
there.
For example
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
grocerie shops
and cinema's will be a lot
Use only "closer" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more closer
to the residents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that is
why, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
with this plan.

To conclude
, I
strongly
believe that they should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this approach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
for the nature and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
.
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IELTS essay There is more need for houses at the moment, people think that they should built houses at the countryside. A small group of people think that they should not build it in the countryside.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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