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Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.33

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? v. 33
It is a fact that the role of commercials in society has increased colossally over the last few years. Some people argue that advertisements influence the people to buy unwanted items, whereas others argue that it provide information about new products that improve the living standards of people. However, I agree with the argument that commercials play a vital role in the development of lifestyle of the society. To begin with, the influence of ads on the purchase of materials in the modern society is inevitable. Firstly, it provides information about the launch of new items and brands in the market. As a result, people will get familiarized with all the food items and other health equipment available in the shops, and thus it improves the lifestyle of people. Secondly, it informs people about the discounts and offers introduced by the company. The commercials about different brands and the available discounts encourage people to purchase the best items according to the market value. For instance, the advertisements about the home appliances like washing machines and refrigerators in media generate an idea among the common people about the advantages, which is helpful for them to compare the prices of different brands and buy the best one within the affordable price. On the other hand, the advertisements insist to buy unwanted materials. Especially the ads telecasted on Tv and other digital media influence children on a large extent. For example, the promotion of energy drinks like Boost with sports players and celebrities attracts many people to buy, even it is not necessary. In conclusion, the commercials inform people about the launch of new products that improve their living standards and the discounts available. Thus, with the ads people are allowed to identify the characteristics of items in the market and, so that they can buy the best product.
It is a fact that the role of commercials in society has increased
colossally
over the last few years.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that advertisements influence the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
unwanted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
, whereas others argue that it provide information about new products that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the living standards of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the argument that commercials play a vital role in the development of lifestyle of the society.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the influence of ads on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
of materials in the modern society is inevitable.
Firstly
, it provides information about the launch of new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
and brands in the market.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
familiarized with all the food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
health equipment available in the shops, and
thus
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the lifestyle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Secondly
, it informs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the discounts and offers introduced by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. The commercials about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
brands and the available discounts encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
according to the market value.
For instance
, the advertisements about the home appliances like washing machines and refrigerators in media generate an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
among the common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the advantages, which is helpful for them to compare the prices of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
brands and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
the best one within the affordable price.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the advertisements insist to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
unwanted materials.
Especially
the ads
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "telecast", the past tense form of the verb 'telecast'?
telecasted
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tv
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
digital media influence children on a large extent.
For example
, the promotion of energy drinks like Boost with sports players and celebrities attracts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
, even it is not necessary.

In conclusion
, the commercials inform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the launch of new products that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their living standards and the discounts available.
Thus
, with the ads
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to identify the characteristics of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
in the market and,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
the best product.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? v. 33

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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