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There is an opinion that we are exposed to too much information nowadays. Do the advantages of being informed 24/7 outweigh the disadvantages?

There is an opinion that we are exposed to too much information nowadays. Do the advantages of being informed 24/7 outweigh the disadvantages? j8Ak8
Nowadays there is too much information online and people can be informed around the clock. Some people claim that it is good for us to stay informed, others say that it has more disadvantages than advantages and we should reduce the flow. First of all, the main disadvantage of getting too much information is the ensuing growth of the stress level. People read news, watch videos, text each other, and tell what is happening somewhere or what is going to happen next, then they start thinking and analyzing the information and get stressed. The world is not that stable as it used to be, and people try to fit in, so they have to learn more to be ready to react quickly. Secondly, the overwhelming amount of information causes FOMO and FOBO – Fear of missing out and Fear of better options – which are the types of social anxiety. People scroll Instagram feeds and see stunning images of other’s perfect life. However, staying informed has some advantages. It cannot be denied that information differs and it can be also positive. People have access to everything which can be found online: books, films, weather forecasts, news, studies, etc. For example, if a person intends to run a business he or she can read something connected with business analytics and decide which time is better for the start. Besides this, people are in touch with each other and they know that their relatives and friends are fine. That can help to keep calm. Unfortunately, the disadvantages of dealing with too much information affect us more negatively than the advantages. People have to pay psychologists and psychotherapists because they are always stressed and their quality of life is declining. To conclude, although staying informed has certain advantages, it can be better to reduce the amount of perceived content. I believe that people should carefully choose what to read and what to watch online.
Nowadays there is too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
online and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
informed
around the clock.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for us to stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
informed
, others say that it has more disadvantages than
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
advantages and
we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the flow.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the main disadvantage of getting too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is the ensuing growth of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
level.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
read news,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
videos, text each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
what is happening somewhere or what is going to happen
next
, then they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
thinking and analyzing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
. The world is not that stable as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to fit in,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn more to be ready to react
quickly
.
Secondly
, the overwhelming amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
causes
Possible spelling mistake found.
FOMO
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
FOBO
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
Fear of missing out and Fear of better options
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
which are the types of social anxiety.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
scroll Instagram feeds and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
stunning images of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other’s
perfect life.

However
, staying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
informed
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
. It cannot
be denied
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
differs and it can be
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have access to everything which can
be found
online: books, films, weather forecasts, news, studies, etc.
For example
, if a person intends to run a business he or she can read something connected with business analytics and decide which time is better for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
.
Besides
this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are in touch with each
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
other and
they know that their relatives and friends are fine. That can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
calm.

Unfortunately, the disadvantages of dealing with too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
affect us more
negatively
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay psychologists and psychotherapists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
and their quality of life is declining.

To conclude
, although staying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
informed
has certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
, it can be better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the amount of perceived content. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
carefully
choose what to read and what to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
online.
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IELTS essay There is an opinion that we are exposed to too much information nowadays. Do the advantages of being informed 24/7 outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
321 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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