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There is an idea that young people should not learn what the world is doing, but they should learn what they can do for the world. To what extent do you agree with the statement? (350 words)

There is an idea that young people should not learn what the world is doing, but they should learn what they can do for the world. (350 words) eR8gV
People think that instead of keeping up with the world's current situation, the young ought to focus on finding out what contribution they can make for their surroundings. However, I strongly believe that it is crucial to have a certain knowledge about the recent society in order to know how to tackle problems effectively around the globe. To begin with, not being updated about today’s news and trends can lead youngsters to the dead-end of their lives. Gaining no information about global issues, they might get frustrated and not know what to do in the next step of their lives. Gradually, they waste their time and personal ability on nothing as they get lost wondering who they really are and what they really want. For instance, based on the world’s recent situation, it is easier to find jobs which are likely useful in the global-concerned field other than jobs which are not recently in demand. The next reason for my opinion is that knowing the situation might help reduce the risk of everything. Young people who understand the world situation thoroughly are able to learn over the difficulties the world is having and take advantage of them to improve one’s possibilities. It is necessary to take the situation into consideration in the first place, and then think of the optimal answer to the question of how to solve the problem. As for today’s view, knowing that every corner of the world is facing the worst scenario of a global disease, thinking of solutions is one of the essentials at the moment. In conclusion, it is necessary to broaden one’s knowledge about recent news so as to make effective differences not only for the world but for oneself. Being orientated thoroughly about social issues not only help young people know where they are going, but limit the danger that might occur in the near future. (314 words)
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
instead
of keeping up with the world's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
, the young ought to focus on finding out what contribution they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
for their surroundings.
However
, I
strongly
believe that it is crucial to have a certain knowledge about the recent society in order to know how to tackle problems
effectively
around the globe.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, not
being updated
about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s news and trends can lead youngsters to the dead-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Gaining no information about global issues, they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
frustrated and not know what to do in the
next
step of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Gradually
, they waste their time and personal ability on nothing as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lost wondering who they
really
are and what they
really
want.
For instance
, based on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world’s
recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
, it is easier to find jobs which are likely useful in the global-concerned field other than jobs which are not recently in demand.

The
next
reason for my opinion is that knowing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of everything. Young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who understand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
thoroughly
are able to learn over the difficulties the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is having and take advantage of them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
one’s possibilities. It is necessary to take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
into consideration in the
first
place, and then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of the optimal answer to the question of how to solve the problem. As for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s view, knowing that every corner of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is facing the worst scenario of a global disease, thinking of solutions is one of the essentials at the moment.

In conclusion
, it is necessary to broaden one’s knowledge about recent news
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
effective differences not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for oneself.
Being orientated
thoroughly
about social issues not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
know where they are going,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
limit the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
that might occur in the near future.

(314 words)
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IELTS essay There is an idea that young people should not learn what the world is doing, but they should learn what they can do for the world. (350 words)

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
315 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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