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There have been many technological developments in the 20th century, for example in transport, telecommunications and health. What technological development do you think has been the most important? How has it changed people's lives? Have all the changes been positive? v.3

There have been many technological developments in the 20th century, for example in transport, telecommunications and health. What technological development do you think has been the most important? How has it changed people's lives? Have all the changes been positive? v. 3
The 20th century has been the century of inventions and innovations. Fields like transport, telecom, medical, education etc. all have seen the phenomenal developments but one of the significant revolutions in the technology is the internet. The internet has changed the landscape of human life to an unimaginable level. The computer has made this planet just like a global village and created millions of employment opportunities. Firstly, the computer has transformed this planet into one family. Everyone who wants information regarding anything can access through the internet in just a matter of seconds regardless of his place and location. You can view of information, lifestyle, population and other geographical information of any country in the world. For instance, if I want to compare the top universities of the world it would hardly take a minute which would otherwise be not possible without this blessing. It is evident that the internet has shrunken this world like one home in which everyone is a family member. Secondly, the internet has created job opportunities for millions of people. Work options have been created in the form of web designing, web hosting, online product sales, software development and hundreds more which cannot be listed here. For example, the biggest company in the world which has the most expensive share in New York Stock exchange is none other than Google. This supports the logic that the internet has been one of the significant causes of job creation. However, there are some drawbacks also of this technology. Cyber crimes and fake business have entered in this world of internet. To illustrate that, many hackers have hacked the important and national security websites of not only third world countries but also leading nations like the United States. These cyber crimes are playing the havoc with the intelligence agencies of the world. Thus, it can be seen that these crimes are depicting the negative pictures of this technology. To summarise, the internet has truly changed the face of the world making it a very small one and giving the opportunities of millions of people to earn their livelihood. The internet has truly been the greatest development of 20th century. It is recommended that states should make tight laws to curb the illegal activity going on the internet.
The 20th century has been the century of inventions and innovations. Fields like transport, telecom, medical, education etc. all have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
the phenomenal developments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
one of the significant revolutions in the technology is the internet. The internet has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the landscape of human life to an unimaginable level. The computer has made this planet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like a global village and created millions of employment opportunities.

Firstly
, the computer has transformed this planet into one family. Everyone who wants information regarding anything can access through the internet in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a matter of seconds regardless of his place and location. You can view of information, lifestyle, population and other geographical information of any country in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
For instance
, if I want to compare the top universities of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
it would hardly take a minute which would
otherwise
be not possible without this blessing. It is evident that the internet has shrunken this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
like one home in which everyone is a family member.

Secondly
, the internet has created job opportunities for millions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Work options have
been created
in the form of web designing, web hosting, online product sales, software development and hundreds more which cannot
be listed
here.
For example
, the biggest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
which has the most expensive share in
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
New York Stock exchange
is none other than Google. This supports the logic that the internet has been one of the significant causes of job creation.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks
also
of this technology. Cyber crimes and fake business have entered in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
of internet. To illustrate that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hackers have hacked the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and national security websites of not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
third
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
leading nations like the United States. These cyber crimes are playing the havoc with the intelligence agencies of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
Thus
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that these crimes are depicting the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
pictures of this technology.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, the internet has
truly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the face of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
making it a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
one and giving the opportunities of millions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to earn their livelihood. The internet has
truly
been the greatest development of 20th century. It
is recommended
that states should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
tight laws to curb the illegal activity going on the internet.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay There have been many technological developments in the 20th century, for example in transport, telecommunications and health. What technological development do you think has been the most important? How has it changed people's lives? Have all the changes been positive? v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
379 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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