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there are too many people maintain their health by rely on doctor

there are too many people maintain their health by rely on doctor 6aa6B
Nowadays, people have a tendency to fully depend on doctors and medicine for maintaining their health conditions instead of having a healthy life. Although the interference of health experts is necessary, I still disapprove of this point of view. There are several benefits of having a healthy lifestyle which help people to balance their physical and mental conditions. First of all, people who have their own diets, can maintain their health better than the others. This is because there are many differences between people’s body situations, due to various requirements for a suitable lifestyle, which can be arranged in detail by doctors. For instance, gymers and ordinary people have disparate meals, which are appropriate for different demands of their bodies. What is more, having a good lifestyle also can help people not to run down with both physical and mental diseases. People who have such a life will understand their bodies and know how to maintain them, which enhances their mood a lot and reflects a happy life. For illustration, Japanese’ average ages are very high since they always eat healthy diets as well as live in a clean environment. These statements also caused several conflicts which the main reason is doctors are more expert at maintaining human health than ordinary people. However, it will not matter when people listen to doctors in some situations as well as learn more things about this field of medicine and health to know the basic ways for balancing their personal conditions. In the nutshell, relying on help from health experts and medicine is necessary but in some way, following a healthy lifestyle is more effective. From my point of view, I am still approve of the second statement.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a tendency to
fully
depend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and medicine for maintaining their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
conditions
instead
of having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
life. Although the interference of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
experts is necessary, I
still
disapprove of this point of view.

There are several benefits of having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to balance their physical and mental conditions.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
diets, can maintain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
better than the others. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
differences between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
body situations, due to various requirements for a suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
, which can
be arranged
in detail by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
gymers
and ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have disparate meals, which are appropriate for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
demands of their bodies.
What is more
, having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
also
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not to run down with both physical and mental diseases.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who have such a life will understand their bodies and know how to maintain them, which enhances their mood a lot and reflects a happy life. For illustration, Japanese’ average ages are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high since they always eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diets
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a clean environment.

These statements
also
caused several conflicts which the main reason is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
are more expert at maintaining human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
than ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
, it will not matter when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situations
as well
as learn more things about this field of medicine and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
to know the basic ways for balancing their personal conditions.

In the nutshell, relying on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
experts and medicine is necessary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
way, following a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
is more effective. From my point of view, I am
still
Consider using a past participle here: "approved".
approve
of the second statement.
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IELTS essay there are too many people maintain their health by rely on doctor

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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