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There are those who **opine** that it is more **advantageous** to play team sports, like football, **while others argue that** sports with individual players, like tennis or swimming, are better choices

There are those who **opine** that it is more **advantageous** to play team sports, like football, **while others argue that** sports with individual players, like tennis or swimming, are better choices DYVjm
There are those who **opine** that it is more **advantageous** to play team sports, like football, **while others argue that** sports with individual players, like tennis or swimming, are better choices. **This essay discusses both sides of the argument and why I believe that playing non-team sports can bring more benefits. ** **There are understandable reasons why some feel that team sports are more advantageous. ** **First of all**, people playing this kind of sport can learn how to **cooperate** with others to **achieve** mutual **goals**. **For example**, scoring a goal in a football match requires players in different positions to collaborate closely with each other. **In addition**, if people in a company play team sports **regularly** with each other, it will improve their **bonding**, thereby **boosting** their work performance. **Furthermore**, people **engaging in** team sports are likely to have a better **social life**. It is obvious that enjoying a favorite activity with those sharing the same interests is a base point for a close relationship. **On the other hand**, others believe that playing non-team sports is better. **The first reason is that** this kind of sport can help people to improve their **mental toughness**. This can be explained by the fact that the players understand their success entirely **depends on** their own efforts, so they **force** themselves to be more **self-disciplined** such as setting personal goals, managing stress and practicing **consistently**. **In addition**, being mentally strong can help people to overcome difficulties and challenges to achieve In conclusion, I firmly believe that both sides of the argument have their positive points. However, I am inclined to believe that team sports are more beneficial because having collaboration skills and a better social life outweigh the benefits of having mental strength and greater convenience.
There are those who **opine** that it is more **advantageous** to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, like football, **while others argue that**
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
with individual players, like tennis or swimming, are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
choices. **This essay discusses both sides of the argument and why I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that playing non-team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can bring more benefits. **

**There are understandable reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are more advantageous. ** **
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
**,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
playing this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
can learn how to **cooperate** with others to **achieve** mutual **goals**. **
For example
**, scoring a goal in a football match requires players in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
positions to collaborate
closely
with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. **
In addition
**, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
**
regularly
** with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their **bonding**, thereby **boosting** their work performance. **
Furthermore
**,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
**engaging in**
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are likely to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
**social life**. It is obvious that enjoying a favorite activity with those sharing the same interests is a base point for a close relationship.

**On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand**, others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that playing non-team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
. **The
first
reason is that** this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their **mental toughness**. This can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
by the fact that the players understand their success
entirely
**depends on** their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
efforts,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they **force** themselves to be more **self-disciplined** such as setting personal goals, managing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and practicing **
consistently
**. **
In addition
**, being mentally strong can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to overcome difficulties and challenges
Did you mean "achieving"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'challenge' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to achieve


In conclusion
, I
firmly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that both sides of the argument have their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
points.
However
, I
am inclined
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are more beneficial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
having collaboration
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
social life outweigh the benefits of having mental strength and greater convenience.
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IELTS essay There are those who **opine** that it is more **advantageous** to play team sports, like football, **while others argue that** sports with individual players, like tennis or swimming, are better choices

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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