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There are those who believe that a good salary is better for human life while others argue in favour of a satisfactory job

There are those who believe that a good salary is better for human life while others argue in favour of a satisfactory job Xq8lO
There are those who believe that a good salary is better for human life while others argue in favour of a satisfactory job. This essay will discuss both views of this argument and provide evidence as to why an enjoyable job are more important. On the one hand, in our daily life we need money to fulfil our requirements. Day by day the price of any products and our demand is increased. For that money is needed more and more for a person and it is significant to live better. For example, people want luxury cars, homes and other facilities which makes their life very handy. For that a huge amount of money is needed and people have to suffer to make it such as they have to work hard and work long time to earn a better salary. On the other hand, job satisfaction is much more important than money. Because of a person cannot be happy with money. They have give their time to their family members specially their children which brings happiness. Furthermore, hard works affect their health and minds. If any person wants more salary then he needs to do more hard work which are boring and its affects their health as a result a person cannot live better. To sum up, people can be happy when they can give their time to their family and they can relax beside their work pressure. In my opinion people need to choose an enjoyable job to live better.
There are those who believe that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
salary is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
for human life while others argue in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of a satisfactory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. This essay will discuss both views of this argument and provide evidence as to why an enjoyable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

On the one hand, in our daily life we need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to fulfil our requirements. Day by day the price of any products and our demand
is increased
. For that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is needed
more and more for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
and it is significant to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want luxury cars, homes and other facilities which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
their life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
handy.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
For
that a huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is needed
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
suffer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it such as they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
long time to earn a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
salary.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction is much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
cannot be happy with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. They have give their time to their family members
specially
their children which brings happiness.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
works affect their health and minds. If any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
wants more salary
Did you mean "than"?
then
he needs to do more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
which are boring and its affects their health
as a result
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
better.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be happy when they can give their time to their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
family and
they can relax beside their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
pressure. In my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to choose an enjoyable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
.
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IELTS essay There are those who believe that a good salary is better for human life while others argue in favour of a satisfactory job

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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