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what differs young people from the olders generation is a lack of physical exercise. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

what differs young people from the olders generation is a lack of physical exercise. dlWl2
Nowadays, technological advancement has been part of our daily routine in which the range of our physical activity is altered. People from todays’ generation invest most of their time accessing their electronic devices in which they utilize it primarily for their leisure activities which differentiates them on how older people spend theirs. I strongly believe that this is caused by the ease bought by new technology where people can do their things in an easier manner and to just simply go along with the trend which differentiates them from the older ones. We are living in a very demanding environment and people tend to do their activities in an easier way that will avoid them from exerting too much effort. Today, people are bombarded by duties and responsibilities and they prefer to stay in and use their devices which is more convenient as a form of leisure activity rather than going out to play like elderlies do. For instance, full time students have only limited time to relax and play and they find computer games and mobile applications as a form of physical activity. On the other hand, elderlies view exercising and playing physically as a healthier habit. As a result, teenagers and young adults tend to be sedentary during this time. Teenagers and other young adults think that keeping up with the fad through innovations is a significant factor in their lives disregarding the effects of it on their productivity. Humans before tend to focus on socialization and invest in their properties to keep up with the trend. In contrast, for teenagers having access to up-to-date gadgets means more positive impression from their peers which outweighs the significance of spending their time together in a more active way. Moreover, a best example for this would be a group of teenagers select playing computer games over playing football which is more beneficial for their body. In general, people today are more focused on their gadgets and gives more value to it as a result they tend to be less active compared to senior citizens during their youth.
Nowadays, technological advancement has been part of our daily routine in which the range of our physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
is altered
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
from
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
’ generation invest most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
accessing their electronic devices in which they utilize it
primarily
for their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which differentiates them on how older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend theirs. I
strongly
believe that this
is caused
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
by new technology where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can do their things in an easier manner and to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
simply
go along with the trend which differentiates them from the older ones.

We are living in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
demanding environment and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tend
to do their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in an easier way that will avoid them from exerting too much effort.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are bombarded
by duties and
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
responsibilities and
they prefer to stay in and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their devices which is more convenient as a form of leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
rather
than going out to play like
Possible spelling mistake found.
elderlies
do.
For instance
, full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
students have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to relax and
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
play and
they find computer games and mobile applications as a form of physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
.
On the other hand
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
elderlies
view exercising and playing
physically
as a healthier habit.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and young adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tend
to be sedentary during this time.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
and other young adults
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that keeping up with the fad through innovations is a significant factor in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
disregarding the effects of it on their productivity. Humans
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tend
to focus on socialization and invest in their properties to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with the trend.
In contrast
, for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
having access to up-to-date gadgets means more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impression from their peers which outweighs the significance of spending their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
together in a more active way.
Moreover
,
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
best example for this would be a group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "selects"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'select' is not always incorrect.)
select
playing computer games over playing football which is more beneficial for their body.

In general
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are more focused on their gadgets and gives more value to it
as a result
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tend
to be less active compared to senior citizens during their youth.
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IELTS essay what differs young people from the olders generation is a lack of physical exercise.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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