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there are some motives for people

there are some motives for people 9Q2lp
It is often debated whether money can bring happiness in your life. It is not always necessary that a rich person is happy: you can buy a lot of things with money but happiness is something which cannot be bought. One can feel happiness while sipping a cup of tea sitting in their balcony or reading a favourite book; therefore, in my opinion, money is not directly related to happiness. A rich person who has money can buy all the materialistic things and may seem to be happy but it does not imply that a poor person is not happy. A person who is always busy earning money and travelling for business hardly gets time to spend with his family; as a result neither he nor his family is happy. On the contrary / By contrast, a poor farmer is happy with less money because he spends time and enjoys meals with his children. In addition, there are many people suffering from health issues due to loneliness, depression because they have no one to share their thoughts and feelings with. Some of them are so busy working that they hardly get time to talk to their parents or close friends. On the flip side, a person who lives with their parents and has friends is able to cope up in bad time quickly. It is very important for every one of us to interact with someone whom we love because it gives us internal happiness and satisfaction that there is someone who cares for us. While I admit money is important it has no meaning in some aspects of life. Money is required to fulfil our basic needs like shelter, food, clothing, etc. but it is not the utmost factor which can constitute happiness. Parents, family, friends are more important in a person’s life to give internal happiness and they cannot be bought with money.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
debated whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
in your life. It is not always necessary that a rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
: you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is something which cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
. One can feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
while sipping a cup of tea sitting in their balcony or reading a
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
book;
therefore
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not
directly
related to happiness.

A rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
all the materialistic things and may seem to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it does not imply that a poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is always busy earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and travelling for business hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend with his family;
as a result
neither he nor his family is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
.
On the contrary
/ By contrast, a poor farmer is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
with less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he spends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and enjoys meals with his children.

In addition
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suffering from health issues due to loneliness, depression
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have no one to share their thoughts and feelings with.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
busy working that they hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to talk to their parents or close friends. On the flip side, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
with their parents and has friends is able to cope up in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
quickly
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for every one of us to interact with someone whom we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it gives us internal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
and satisfaction that there is someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
cares for us.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
I admit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
it has no meaning in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspects of life.

Money
is required
to fulfil our basic needs like shelter, food, clothing, etc.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not the utmost factor which can constitute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. Parents, family, friends are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
life to give internal
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
happiness and
they cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
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IELTS essay there are some motives for people

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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